and more music coming your way...

i would MARRY sam sparro...i don't care that he likes boys. cuz i do too!



try not to bounce around, i dareth thee!

i'm as quiet as a mouse...

i've been rather absent, haven't i? my apologies friends... and strangers. i've been enjoying the almost spring time in new york city. the endless canoodling that goes along with dating someone lovely (someone who plays the guitar and takes more amazing pictures than i do), and trying not to get 1) too excited or 2) ahead of myself. because we all know that when i acknowledge and talk about something, it goes away.

so mums the word for now... i'm just practicing my britishisms, and being mocked endlessly for quoting movie lines a split second before they're said onscreen.

what have YOU been up to? tell me good things...

looking inside...

when you can look inside of someone else and recognize an endless amount of love within them, such a generosity of spirit and genuine goodness... such things make me so happy (read teary eyed sometimes).

i feel a little bit of a pang deep down inside of me when i meet people that obviously give so much, but never seem to let themselves get it back. you can have any number of excuses as to why you don't need it, or seek and find fulfillment in other avenues and other ventures... but there is something else in the vulnerability and letting go associated with simply letting someone love you.

i'm very bad at it, myself... and have to remind myself constantly to actively try to change the behavior. but it's also a good reality check, when i can recognize the trait in a friend, and just hug them. love is everywhere... you just have to let it in.

a veritable explosion of awesome in queens...

it. was. gorgeous today.

after spending all day yesterday helping sole and jacob paint their apartment, i got to spend today soaking up the awesome that is eric laurits. in my role as mentee, i watched him work his magic for some engagement photos for my friends. i'm a little overwhelmed, and have a ton of photos to dig through, but i'm feeling rather giddy, and very happy to have legitimized a new, good friend.

so thanks eric... you can have awesome for today.



and yes, he really is that pretty and enigmatic in person.
i might have just licked my screen...

ill be busy til mid july...

we all know that i'm sort of a professional dater... and in this world of "your social life meets resume writing", we come across a variety of characters that simply do not know how to 1) behave and 2) communicate properly. dating is a beast all it's own.

i've heard every combination of amazing pick up line, dating errors, and terrible break up on post it situations. my friend amanda mae and i have decided to devote a blog entirely to the disasters of dating, and the ways in which dating is mishandled.

mae was recently broken up with via text message with, when asked the next time he'd like to go out with her, "i'll be busy until mid-july". ouch.

and so, we give you ill be busy til mid-july the blog. please feel free to email us or comment with your own stories. from seattle to new york city, we've all been bludgeoned by the unthought out blunders of someone NOT awesome.

here's to us.. and them.

you're so morose, it's gross... and i'm verbose

yes... clearly i'm ridiculous. you don't have to say it.

here's what i discovered today (and no i'm not such a morbid thinker usually, the topic came up when someone that i know lost a friend yesterday... or something):

i have not had anyone close to me die. no close family members, no close friends, no weird freak accidents, no someones lost to strange health issues at a young age... nada. and yes, i'm knocking on anything wood or woodlike near me right now. is that weird? is it weird that the only examples of loss that i've ever experienced in life are ended relationships and heartache? i think that's weird. not that i'm hoping that you all drop dead tomorrow, but i think that's unusual. i can't think of anyone i know that hasn't lost someone.

i also dream about my mother dying or getting into an accident... a LOT. it happens so often that i'm numb to the idea of her keeling over tomorrow. i get nervous when i watch her arthritic legs walk up and down the stairs in her condo, but the concept of her death seems so foreign (and yet familair b/c i dream about it all the time) that i'm not touched by it. who KNOWS how i'm going to behave when she actually passes. i wonder what my reaction will be. frightening.

i've also been daydreaming about falling up and down stairs lately... every time i get to the top of a flight of stairs, i pause for a second and grab the handrail. of course i'm wearing heels more than usual... but still.

something is about to happen... because all i can think about is doom and disaster. hold the handrails people... something is coming.

and happy tuesday... weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

green with a lack of envy...

i am neither irish nor a fan of beer... green looks muy terrible on me. i hate crowds. however, if i press my face up against the windows along one wall of our offices, i can watch a parade. oh how i love a parade. oh how i hate reasons for tourists to cluster up.

i was going to run some errands over lunch, but now that i think about what the subway station below our building on 5th ave is going to be like... i'm starting to reconsider.

it's been unusually cold here... the weather channels say that it's going to be high 40s and low 50s, so i've put away my winter coats and am just wearing my thin spring/fall coat. except i'm fuhREEEZING today. but i refuse to pull the winter coats back out. refuse. i will continue to shiver a little bit as i walk down the street, sometimes remembering to put my "leather driving, eventhough i no longer have a car, gloves" on. i will smile at you, with these new freckles peeking out on my nose.

i will continue to spend an entire day out on a fire escape watching movie stunts being filmed on our street (p.s. i saw some pretty sweet ramp jumps yesterday), and i will continue to flirt with strangers.

i have no idea what this blog entry is about... my brain is oddly fuzzy this morning. stupid uterus.

happy st. patty's day!! xoxo

the streets were paved with gold...

i'm sure that a few weeks ago i mentioned how excited i was about the new movie wanted coming out in june. well two weeks ago a notice was posted in the entry of my building saying that the streets would be closed due to movie filming... stunt work to be exact... for the very movie that i've been creaming panties over....WANTED.

well...

james mcavoy is standing outside my building...RIGHT NOW!


they are working on car chase scenes on our streets, and i'm over at my neighbor's house, out on the terrace staring at him.

just another reason why i love this city... fast and gorgeous cars and the opportunity to see one of my very favorite actors (and newest addition to the top five laminated list) twenty yards away from me.

be careful, your face might get stuck that way...

i've got a very sour expression on my face right now. all week long, i've been getting mighty excited about concert tickets that were going on sale today. goldfrapp has long been one of my favorite artists... an amazing combination of electro, dance, and rock music. she's amazing live. AMAZING. so when i found out that she was touring again, i flipped.

until spencer told me about her new album and i went to listen to snippits on itunes. she's gone from upbeat dance awesomeness to melancholy ballads that are not soulfully interesting. i do NOT want to sit in the bowery ballroom for two hours listening to her wimper... i want to DANCE. i want to make the 'yeah daddy don't hurt me' dance face, and take over the corner of a dancefloor.

i feel like i piece of my body has just been ripped off and flung onto the floor. NOT AWESOME.

in other news, it's friday... and i have an amazing weekend planned. expect pictures. ;)

it's a hard pill to swallow...

no really, my B-complex vitamins really ARE hard pills to swallow. they're massive and yellow and taste like dirt. but metallic dirt. not the dirt that grows carrots for example... at least that dirt smells good. (i'd also like to point out that my fingers are possessed, and EVERY time that i just typed out DIRT, i spelled DIRTY first, and had to erase the Y. you care, don't lie.)

i'm doing it. i'm in my health kick zone. i've started taking my vitamins, i'm drinking my protein shakes in the morning (although 20g of protein every morning really frightens me when i think of how long it's now going to take my body to push out poop...aka forever), doing my pilates, bringing my gymbag to work, going tanning (believe me, slightly tanned skin makes things a lot easier when it comes to staring at yourself in the mirror naked), and adopting an overall healthy lifestyle.

except i'm now reading the label on the back of my B-complex vitamin bottle. who needs 3333% the daily value of thiamin? or 2941% the daily value of riboflavin. 2941 is an awfully precise number... how do you KNOW? and what is thiamin even good for?

oh how i love wikipedia:

Thiamine plays an important role in helping the body metabolize carbohydrates and fat to produce energy. It is essential for normal growth and development and helps to maintain proper functioning of the heart and the nervous and digestive systems. Thiamine is water-soluble and cannot be stored in the body; however, once absorbed, the vitamin is concentrated in muscle tissue.

ummm yes please. i'd like my steak medium rare please, with a side of thiamin!!

this is also another side effect of healthy living, tanning skin, and glimpses of sunshine. i turn into my summertime spastic self. lord help us.

book review - add this to your list NOW.

last night i read a book. yes mike, i read a book in a sitting. it happens, so i spose you should just get used to it now. :)

EVA MOVES THE FURNITURE by Margot Livesey. Here's the synopsis:
On the morning of Eva McEwen's birth, six magpies congregate in the apple tree outside the window--a bad omen, according to Scottish legend. That night, Eva's mother dies, leaving her to be raised by her aunt and heartsick father in their small Scottish town. As a child, Eva is often visited by two companions--a woman and a girl--invisible to everyone else save her. As she grows, their intentions become increasingly unclear: Do they wish to protect or harm her? A magical novel about loneliness, love, and the profound connection between mother and daughter, Eva Moves the Furniture fuses the simplicity of a fairy tale with the complexity of adult passions.

to say that i loved it would be a severe understatement... the story was pure magic.
go... do it.

awesome/not awesome

since i haven't done one in a while...


awesome:

not awesome: having to take just two... they're DELICIOUS!
awesome: sunshine after a rainstorm.
not awesome: the inch long white hair that i just plucked out of my chin. why can't you see those buggers before they get to be an entire inch long?
awesome: new shoes.
not awesome: the blisters that the new shoes leave you.
awesome: a healthy mindset and being excited about going to the gym.
not awesome: looking at oneself naked in the mirror in the middle of winter.
awesome: i clearly LOVE making lists.

now you're turn. today's awesome/not awesome.

just one of those days...

ever have those days at work where you look at the organized little piles of tasks to accomplish for the day, and secretly wish that you could throw your arm across your desk in one sweeping motion and send everything crashing to the floor. yell fuuuuuuuck EWE, and go striding out the door to the elevator?

i might be having one of those moments.

i would like to talk about the ever-exciting concept of misplaced frustration or anger. now tara, you say, throwing your work onto the floor and swearing obscenities is not the way to handle your stress. but, dear reader, i wasn't talking about myself.

i work with a few choice individuals that are very brilliant, yes, but they do not know how to channel anger, rage, frustration, sadness.. aka emotion. suddenly someone will be standing in your office screaming at you about how the mailroom didn't deliver the mail this morning, or that someone sent them an idiotic email and they just don't understand why people are so stupid... or any number of things. i'd like to make this all really clear for you readers... this is not my job nor my problem. this is what my best friend K lovingly refers to as a YP: YOUR problem.

what is it about office politics that makes it so difficult for individuals to coexist in a respectful, organized, and efficient manner? do not yell at your coworkers. do not yell at your peers. do NOT yell at your subordinates. and certainly don't yell at other people's subordinates. we do NOT love that. you will quickly move to the not awesome list and will remain there. for. EVER.

ting! <--- that's the noise my fake cheesy smile makes when i'm pretending that i give a flying patootie what you need. it's fun try it. TING! slight head tilt.

carry on.

it's things like the following that make life worth living...

a match.com email that i received today...

and i QUOTE:

I'm new in town and can't find my way around; could I have directions to your place? ;-)






soooooooo NOT AWESOME that it borderlines on awesome. i love this town.

when life hands you rainstorms, make shoe purchases...

i had all of these plans for the weekend... that included a solid round of LIC exploration, self portrait practice, and general artistic kickassery (or something). and then the heavens opened and dumped about forty-seven million gallons of water on the planet. i don't know if you know this about me, but when there's that much water outside, i feel absolutely no need to get out of my jams. so in my jams i stayed. i even skipped the sia show that night. martha - gasp. katie - gasp. tara - gasp. yes, i missed the sia show. i even tried to get on craigslist last minute and get rid of my tickets (wish i'd thought of that the day before....bygones), but no one emailed me back. i watched seven movies in one day instead.

so yesterday, when i woke up to a beautiful sunny sky, and semi decent temperatures... i made sure that my "day of shopping with the girls" was extra-awesome. my friend S works for the parent company that owns nine west... and they were having an employee 50% off discount weekend. ummm yes S, i WILL go shoe shopping with you this weekend. thank youuuuuuu. and in honor of all things awesome, here is what i purchased:

black sunglasses


these sunglasses in the brown/tan option... very aspen. and i feel rather badass in them, because... well obviously they're just rather badass.


these next two shoes are for work and were purchased at nine west (at half price):




and the next two are from dsw (god i love that store), and are steve madden and calvin klein respectively...
(can't find the actual picture of the shoe... but it's sort of like this in red)




and then of course i spent all night prancing about in my jams with these shoes on... cleaned out my closet, got rid of about 15 pairs of shoes that i haven't worn in a long time (aka i don't like anymore).. and made room for my new boxes.

it's important, when one is feeling not very feminine or girly, to buy an inordinate amount of new shoes. just to balance everything out.

next up: skirts.

come closer, i can't see you...

first of all, it must be noted... that i really cannot see right now. somehow, somewhere between getting home last night (when they were on my face) and taking them off... and getting to work this morning... my glasses are NOT in their case. every time i take off my glasses, i put them in the case in my purse. that's where they GO. i got ready for bed, brushed my teeth, put on the glasses that i keep on my nighstand, read a few chapters, then went to sleep. i'm at work now, and the glasses case is empty, and i have no idea where my glasses are. imagine me, if you will, with my face stuck up close to the screen, and you'd have it about right.

cut off my arm why don't you?

yesterevening was pretty entertaining. i had dinner at blue fin last night, and after spending a little bit of time looking at the images on their website, thought that i'd be in for a fancier evening. it's in times square for crying out loud, who knows WHAT i was thinking.

i like to have a good time with waitstaff...waitpersons... whatever you want to call them. i've had that job before, and really, there's usually nothing better than getting a friendly table that tips well... in a sea of not awesome. so i like to be the fun table... i include said waitperson in our conversations, ask advice on random issues, and generally rib whoever is serving my food. i'll even stab at your hand, for example, if you dare to try to take away my plate of beets before i am finished. our waiter last night was pretty playful. excessively bushy eyebrows, mind you, but a pretty fun guy. he was clearly on my dinner companion's side of things as our conversations progressed. they teamed up against me. but that doesn't matter... it was a good meal. and then, the greatest thing happened. as we were looking over our dessert menus, the waitperson (i wish i knew his name) leaned over and fourth finger caressed the top of my menu asking if i "saw anything that i liked". he did it subconsciously... because when i looked up and said rather loudly DID YOU JUST FOURTH FINGER CARESS THE SIDE OF MY MENU WHILST ASKING ME IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT I WANTED!!?, he turned every available shade of red. it. was. AWESOME.

we went to see be kind rewind after dinner.


easily one of THE most amusing movies i've had the pleasure of seeing in a looooooooong time. jack black and mos def make a pretty believable comedic duo, and the story and plot were ridiculous and charming all at the same time. if i had four thumbs, i'd put them all up in the air for you. go see it.

and then go enjoy your weekend. it's play time, people. do it.

do two half-awesomes equal an entire awesome?

just like there are two sides to every story, i'm sure that there are two sides to every person. not like HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII i'm crazy, bad baby BAD BABY levels or anything like that, but an inner and an outer person, a loud person in a quiet brain, etc. well i have about twelve people inside of me... and for the most part, they all talk at the same time, ALL the time.

i have two creative outlets currently... books/writing and photography. i work in book publishing at a major house and am surrounded by painfully intelligent people and my sponge like little reader brain soaks up all the words that i possibly can. my to-read piles at home are seriously ridiculous. i'm going to reorganize my bookshelves in my room just to make it look less painful. and i'm not kidding. HOWEVER, i LOVE that about my life. i love that i can read something that i was introduced to or recommended to or read before you did-id. and some of you love it too.. because you get my cast-offs... those amazing advanced reader editions that show up on your doorstep in festive (aka not festive) little ups boxes.

i adore my boss... i'm lucky that way... because there are some wackjobs in this industry. i learn from the editors around me... i absorb.

i...do... not...write. besides these trivial missives that no one but my inner diva cares about, my major work of fiction is not going to suddenly jump out from these entries. i need to write while it's still in me to write.

and then i'm a freelance photographer.. portraits... headshots... weddings (occasionally, if i like you)... etc. i'm not as good as i should be for the amount of years (two) that i've been doing this, even if part time. i want to take classes. i want to travel to visit other photographers that i admire and learn new techniques. i want an assistant and a style team. i want to learn. i want to grow. i'm a decent photographer... but i want to be great.

so as a decent writer and a decent photographer... which do i choose to be my AWESOME outlet? it's confusing... and utterly frustrating. because really, my entire life has been filled with hobbies and sports and talents that i've been decent at. just decent.

things to ponder.


(and this entry is NOT an attempt to fluff my ego and piledrive me with accolades... and i'm not sad or even mildly pmsing... i'm just talking aloud... so let's not go there.)

i am the kind of girl...

that spends WAAAAAAY too much money on import music. guhhh.

this is currently on it's way to me...
adele.



we love her. and i'm such an anglophile, it's retarded. i really should just move to london and be done with it. sheesh.

this weekend i promise to get outside and take some pictures... maybe even play with the new remote timer and put my face in some moderately decent pictures, b/c i haven't felt photogenic in a loooong time. i will hold hands with my girlfriends, sip on ladylike-esquely named adult beverages, and buy a new pair of shoes.

and then i will smile at you and run away. and you'll like it.

gutwrenching perfection...

there really is nothing better than being sucked into the middle of a wonderful story, having it rip you apart, and leave you resting in a puddle of your own mix of joy and despair... tears streaming down your face... contented smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

i read the Myth of You and Me by leah stewart last night, and it was absolutely beautiful. a well written story about the dynamic of friendship and what fear can do to you. if you're a member of tara's book club, go pick it up immediately. and then call me so we can talk about it.

donde esta mi doppelganger?

i love it when other people think that i look like other people. for a very large majority of time, people said that i looked like teri polo. well, when i was bobblehead skinny they said that i looked like teri polo.

now my bff at work is telling me that i look like ingrid michaelson... really?:


and yes, as soon as i find a pic of myself with my glasses on making this exact face, i will post it here.

until then...

sex is on the brain...

and it's not just MY brain, it's everyone's brain(s). perhaps spring really is on it's way... but i'm hearing it everywhere. those of us that have weathered the winter virus (literally and literally) have come out on the other side ready for every spring related shenanigan available to us. aka romping, handholding, the good business, three hour makeout sessions, and anything else good ju-ju that we can throw in there.

this of course means that my season of weird sex dreams has started. and it really will last all season... probably through to the end of the summer. sooooo last night i had a pretty killer SD (sex dream - for those of you not paying close enough attention). it involved a summer vacation complex, where i forgot to bring sunscreen and walked from room to room asking for some... which obviously in my porn-soaked mind meant that my dreamself had a lot of sex with my friends (who weren't actually any friends that i recognize from real life, just dream friends), and who were almost all (interestingly enough)... women.

that's right: last night, the dream me had a lot of summertime rompiness with a bunch of ladies. perhaps it's last week's excessive viewage of the L word that is still on the mind... bygones. it was hot. i make no excuses for the fact that from time to time i fall into the neck-up lesbian category. there are worse things after all.

also... went to see step up 2 yesterday. CLEARLY the storyline was stupid, but the dancing was amazing (much better than the first one), and featured this little delicious nugget. robert hoffman:



happy monday and happy almost spring... or happy romp hunting all you hormonal wondertwins. i heart you.