Thursday, March 6, 2008

do two half-awesomes equal an entire awesome?

just like there are two sides to every story, i'm sure that there are two sides to every person. not like HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII i'm crazy, bad baby BAD BABY levels or anything like that, but an inner and an outer person, a loud person in a quiet brain, etc. well i have about twelve people inside of me... and for the most part, they all talk at the same time, ALL the time.

i have two creative outlets currently... books/writing and photography. i work in book publishing at a major house and am surrounded by painfully intelligent people and my sponge like little reader brain soaks up all the words that i possibly can. my to-read piles at home are seriously ridiculous. i'm going to reorganize my bookshelves in my room just to make it look less painful. and i'm not kidding. HOWEVER, i LOVE that about my life. i love that i can read something that i was introduced to or recommended to or read before you did-id. and some of you love it too.. because you get my cast-offs... those amazing advanced reader editions that show up on your doorstep in festive (aka not festive) little ups boxes.

i adore my boss... i'm lucky that way... because there are some wackjobs in this industry. i learn from the editors around me... i absorb.

i...do... not...write. besides these trivial missives that no one but my inner diva cares about, my major work of fiction is not going to suddenly jump out from these entries. i need to write while it's still in me to write.

and then i'm a freelance photographer.. portraits... headshots... weddings (occasionally, if i like you)... etc. i'm not as good as i should be for the amount of years (two) that i've been doing this, even if part time. i want to take classes. i want to travel to visit other photographers that i admire and learn new techniques. i want an assistant and a style team. i want to learn. i want to grow. i'm a decent photographer... but i want to be great.

so as a decent writer and a decent photographer... which do i choose to be my AWESOME outlet? it's confusing... and utterly frustrating. because really, my entire life has been filled with hobbies and sports and talents that i've been decent at. just decent.

things to ponder.


(and this entry is NOT an attempt to fluff my ego and piledrive me with accolades... and i'm not sad or even mildly pmsing... i'm just talking aloud... so let's not go there.)

8 comments:

DJSassafrass said...

Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog. The sun will shine in the midwest again...at some point!

I read Blue Angel when it first came out because I read so much about it. It's a very interesting read. I would love to get paid to read!

dactyl said...

thanks... i'm hoping it'll shine here soon too. so COLD!! :)

Jeremy said...

I still think you are a far better photographer than you give yourself credit for, and I will always be here to kick you every time you say otherwise. Or treat you like a seven year old :p.

I think you are a very fine writer as well. I have read several of the poems you have written and they are very moving. You have no worries from either creative outlet.

The above is not an attempt to ego boost, just my opinion that I freely give solicited or not. You are great and I LOVE your work.

How do you choose between the two? Honestly, who says you have to. I don't think it is written anywhere that says you can only excel at one thing in your life. If anyone has the drive to be great at both it would be you. Sometimes the spot we see ourselves going isn't always where we end up. Who is to say you couldn't incorporate the two together somehow and end up in a totally different creative zone than you saw yourself going with either?

I could seriously keep going on and on, but I won't bore you. You get what I'm saying.

Mike said...

You would know better than me, but isn't there greater potential in writing than there is in photography?

Natalina said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean. Go figure. I'm a dabbler, always have been. And I've never really mastered anything. not a single thing. I can do almost anything, but I also yearn to be the "best" at something....though my gemini mind prevents me from this and keeps me moving to the next thing. So I say embrace it. be a dabbler. a GOOOD dabbler. it'll be fun.

Loosy said...

Dude - this new layout of yours is unsettling. I need your old layout back please, pronto.

dactyl said...

dude, i KNOW! i was looking into making some changes and then almost lost the entire thing...

minus the colors, it's back to normal. i almost just LOST it. :)

chira said...

don't underestimate the power of the blog. that is how cody diablo (junno) got her break, writing her life and times as a stripper on her blog... titled... pussy ranch.