an lic scrub...

i love that i feel no remorse whatsoever when i walk downstairs to the coffee place below my apartment and get coffee... not having brushed my hair or teeth, and wearing ink stained scrubs (that really look like i had a purple accident but whatever) and a tank top. i slap my dollar down on the counter and the girls know that i need my small coffee, two sugars, half and half.

just over two months after being laid off, i'm still not working, and have no new photo gigs coming in. somehow, the fact that the guy i was seeing decided to break up with me via text message a few weeks ago, has faded into nothingness... and i'm left wondering 'who was the guy that i was falling for in the beginning? because that certainly wasnt who i got towards the end'. that cowardly slow fade maneuver. why can't people just TALK to each other? i will never understand men. every girlfriend that i have swears within an inch of herself that she'd easily marry me were she a lesbian. whatever. maybe it's my own fault. i only let a select few see the magic... and only a certain kind of man is going to be able to understand and appreciate the magic.

the point is... he's gone and out of my life... and all i'll take with me is the memory of seven orgasms in one go. seven. monica geller would be proud.

with the window slightly cracked open to let in the cool spring(ish) breeze (happy spring), i can smell the beginning scents of the lunch service at the local chinese joint. this is what i've been waking up to lately. suddenly i'm awake and craving chicken chow mein. what the frick. i'm on a pilates kick, and ordered old school tai bo dvds in the mail. they're taking forever to get here, but i am DETERMINED to get my shizzle back together myself. no gym memberships.

i have a date tonight. with a man that has a small hoop earring in one ear. at what point in the scheme of the dating can i gently suggest that he get rid of it. because really, my inner self is screaming 'STOP BEING A GAY PIRATE, THIS IS NOT 1992!!!'...

or something.


i promise to write every day. it's a goal. so stay on me about it.

it's a hard pill to swallow...

no really, my B-complex vitamins really ARE hard pills to swallow. they're massive and yellow and taste like dirt. but metallic dirt. not the dirt that grows carrots for example... at least that dirt smells good. (i'd also like to point out that my fingers are possessed, and EVERY time that i just typed out DIRT, i spelled DIRTY first, and had to erase the Y. you care, don't lie.)

i'm doing it. i'm in my health kick zone. i've started taking my vitamins, i'm drinking my protein shakes in the morning (although 20g of protein every morning really frightens me when i think of how long it's now going to take my body to push out poop...aka forever), doing my pilates, bringing my gymbag to work, going tanning (believe me, slightly tanned skin makes things a lot easier when it comes to staring at yourself in the mirror naked), and adopting an overall healthy lifestyle.

except i'm now reading the label on the back of my B-complex vitamin bottle. who needs 3333% the daily value of thiamin? or 2941% the daily value of riboflavin. 2941 is an awfully precise number... how do you KNOW? and what is thiamin even good for?

oh how i love wikipedia:

Thiamine plays an important role in helping the body metabolize carbohydrates and fat to produce energy. It is essential for normal growth and development and helps to maintain proper functioning of the heart and the nervous and digestive systems. Thiamine is water-soluble and cannot be stored in the body; however, once absorbed, the vitamin is concentrated in muscle tissue.

ummm yes please. i'd like my steak medium rare please, with a side of thiamin!!

this is also another side effect of healthy living, tanning skin, and glimpses of sunshine. i turn into my summertime spastic self. lord help us.

coming out of the fog...

what is it about that first day after being sick (or hungover) that is so magical? all of a sudden, there's that little extra pep in your step. you want to listen to loud music at your desk and bounce about in your chair. or maybe that's just me? who knows.

eventhough i'm still blowing my nose every five seconds, these halls vitamin c "defense" cough drops are delightful, and i think i'm finally out of the woods. my ears are still plugged up, so i have to play my music louder than normal, but at least i WANT to play my music.

in fact, i've been rocking out to the playlist on my own blog all morning. just. can't. help. myself.

and if you feel like having a moment of awe, go read my friend stella's med school admission essay... i've never been more proud of her: read the magic of the kevlar

you would figure..

i mean really, you would figure.

yesterday was an utterly lovely day. i worked out, i took a long shower and even had the presence of mind to take care of myself, i had a healthy lunch, i read an amazing manuscript, i watched sports, i drank tea.

so it stands to reason that 1) i'm so sore in weird places that i can barely raise my arms and walking is a little bit weird right now and 2) that whatever business i was giving myself in the shower yesterday, albeit fantastic, caused me to lean into the tile a little too hard with my forehead and now i've got a bruise and a small bump up near my hairline.

i mean who DOES that... oh yes, that would be me.