back to business...

back in town after spending the last few days in rochester with the wonderful tammy swales (www.tammyswales.com). it was a really amazing trip for me in terms of getting to watch someone run a successful photo business... reminded me that it's ok to let the dorkiness hang out. the right clients will still find you.

signed the lease on the new apartment in greenpoint... aka "the closet". it'll be nice to get my shit out of storage, have access to my entire wardrobe all at once. sleep in my own space.

going to see the new HP with o.b.e. tonight... midnight screening. pretty sure that i'll be giggling and clapping with glee the entire time. i think i embarrass him. :)

very excited about heading back to seattle next week... an excessive number of photo shoots have been scheduled, and i'll have a good enough number of days to get to see friends this time. hugs will be served on ice.

i love the sunshine... it does good things for the soul.

business as usual...

i've been putting a lot of energy into my photography business... which is probably why i haven't been writing here very much (making mental note to make time for both, to keep me balanced and sane).

doing a special promotion for headshots for acting students, targeting the headshot market in new york full force, networking... etc.

revamped the website, which can be found here: www.taraleigh.com
and selling new photoshop actions to other photographers (that are rather fun and pretty darn inexpensive) here: www.taraleigh.com/blog

thank you to all the continued support from my e-friends... xoxo

i suddenly felt like saying something...

because it's literally been months. all of that regular blither about my life that always seems to be true... aka "i'm single" and "i really need to start going to the gym again" are all still true. it's becoming winter at the speed of light... strange chapped patches are showing up on my legs again... it's cold. etc. all still applicable.

i just bought a neti pot... i'm going to be one of those strange people that pours warm water or saline through my nostrils every day. i am determined to get my nose working properly... this air here... i'm constantly gunked up, and that's bollocks.

i'm going to take a large gaping break from dating. a few months back i'd said that i was expecting a visitor, and finally had feelings for someone again after what? like four years... only to have to fizzle into nothingness after he left again. distance is not that big of a deal, at least not to me. i'm sure it was just an excuse, the idea of me is not as awesome as the actual me. but i think i'd rather spend the next few months focusing on my business, and growing that business, and making something of my time here... instead of constantly caring that i sleep alone, that i attract idiots, or that i'm craving the good business.

i had a bunch of promo cards printed up for a headshot promo i'm running for acting students.. and they were distributed at two schools in the city yesterday. i'm crossing my fingers VERY tightly that something comes of this. i want ten bookings and i'll be happy.. just ten out of the 150 that i passed out. think happy thoughts please and thank you.

i'll be spending the holidays in southern california this year. my mother's good friend retired to palm springs... so xmas in palm springs and new years in los angeles... i cannot effing wait. i'm on a nine day countdown til vacation and i really can't focus on anything else. seriously.

who knew that there's such a thing as too much cucumber...

there's entirely too much cucumber in my salad right now. if you're going to overdo it on the salad fixings, mister chopped salad maker, can't you give me excessive amounts of avocado or something? now THAT i would love.

someone suggested to me over the weekend that mosquitos are attracted to certain blood types. really? REALLY? they discern between my pinot noir worthy A positiveness? well that makes sense... i'd want to suck my own blood, i'm that derrrricious. either way, after attending a bbq on saturday afternoon, i counted TWENTY-TWO squite bites on my lower legs and ankles... and lemme tell ya...they are some itchy em effers. the heat doesn't help either, since it just causes the bites to swell and itch and some more.

a coworker just IMed me to say that there were leftover cupcakes in the kitchen. yes... i just RAN down the hallway. for crying out loud.

also, i was greatly overjoyed to find out that gabriel macht has been cast as the spirit. i even bought the ridiculously horrible 'because i said so' on dvd because he was in it (hurl).

i'm too lazy to tell you stories... instead, please enjoy this video taken last night. i'm exhausted:

a little bit of perfection...

i took a four hour bus ride up to boston on friday afternoon... hungover to the Nth degree.

i drank too much on thursday night. and not too much, where it's one glass and you become the loud obnoxious girl... i became the pathetic CRYING girl. heaven help any people that came in contact with me between the hours of 10pm-1am. BAD. i went to happy hour with a newish friend... happy hour become "come to my friends bday party on the UES with me"... which was really me meeting 80 people named "edward t. so and so the third, brokerage and investment director for blah blah blah and i have a yacht". i try not to be judgemental in general. and who knows what i was so blatantly bitter towards the people that i was meeting. but i was literally uncomfortable. and it showed... and i behaved poorly. no excuses...

and my punishment was four hours on a bouncing peter pan bus up to boston.. with a wailing child behind me, and a woman from who knows where on the east coast repeatedly answering her phone and yelling into the receiver 'eh? i dunno.. i can't see a sign... eh?!" over and over again.

eight hours on a bus, to spend two days with friends, is never enough. i feel gilted. like i want to crawl back into my friend Ms blissfully air-conditioned living room, and pet her cat, and watch cable. drink coffee... eat seafood. take pictures. i got home last night to a sad kitty of my roommates and a SWELTERING apartment. the city in the summertime is oppressive, and i've decided officially that i just don't like it.

HOWEVER, i had such a lovely weekend relaxing and being calm.. in a space with no noise and no expectations... and it was completely perfect.

what exactly is the point again?

i think it's pretty much a given that i'm the listener in my group of friends. well, i should clarify... when i lived in my hometown and the majority of my friends also lived in that city, i was the listener in my group of friends. as time goes on, and i continue to embrace this new town, i find that the holes that i left when i moved away are quickly being filled... to the point where you wouldn't even notice that a space for me had even existed. people are having a hard time with family issues, and relationship issues... and where i normally would be the big ear and shoulder (listener and hugger, if you will), now i hear things later. after they've talked things out with so and so, and so and so new friend was there last night to be the voice of reason etc. why does this bother me? i have no effing clue.

or maybe i do. because when you invest in a friendship or relationship with someone, you want to continue to be as important to them, as they are to you. regardless of where i live, i still keep three or four names at the top of the list that are my emotional dumping ground, and the people that i turn to when I actually need to talk about things. it just hurts to realize that this isn't necessarily the reciprocated case. this has been brewing for awhile...

i'm seeing a lot of breaking up and separating... marriages, friendships, relationships... ending. and i wonder why i stay away from such things. because endings SUCK. and the last time that something really ended for me, it was almost three years ago... and to be honest, i don't really ever want to go through that again. i found some old pictures that used to hang on my wall... and my roommate was looking at them and said "he's HOT!"... and my heart actually ached.

i think i've officially lost my optimism when it comes to love. if one more person tells me that something has ended because "the timing wasn't right", i'm going to throw up on the spot. timing is bollocks. if two people can come together and agree to work at something, because it's within them to be together... then you just DO. no one says "hey i'm in love, lemme check my watch to make sure it's the right time". you don't make excuses, you find the way to make it work. and if it isn't within you to make it work... LET. IT. GO.

some of you are reading this and thinking "oh shit, she's talking about me"... "she's angry that i vented to her yesterday"... and that's just not the case. multiply your problems with that of six other people, and you'll understand what i've been listening to for the last twenty four hours.

good riddance, love. i've lost my faith in you.

i said it would be wee...

so maybe my wee break is over now.

sometimes you run out of things to say. or sometimes you just run out of ways in which to say it. OR, and this is more to the point, you get tired of hearing yourself talk via your fingertips and really just want to tell yourself to shut up. also, the concept of blogging every day, when i have work to figure, things to read, and images to edit... is sort of redonk... and i choose to not be beholden to it... even if that mean's being beholden to myself. what? who cares what i just said. moving on.

i had a bff in town the week before last and it was just so lovely. she's the kind of friend that can just snuggle in bed and watch movies for hours with me. we talk via facial expressions and giggles... and that's always my favorite way to communicate. we stunk of meat. we spent part of that saturday (not last saturday but the one before) at central park, sunning ourselves in wee bikinis (a laugh and a half) and reading... then made our way down to a bday bbq in brooklyn (say that three times fast), and because by the time the food was ready to be cooked, we'd had about two bottles of white wine... she and i TOOK OVER in the kitchen and at the grill. have you ever seen me with tongs and a metal spatula. back the eff off. i'm like a weird competitive bbq man that has to man the grill.

by the time we left the party a few hours later we literally STUNK of meat. two showers and several changes of clothing later and i still stunk of meat. it was awesome and foul all at the same time. needless to say, when i made meatloaf last week for myself, i wore rubber gloves. and no, i'm not joking.

i was privy to my first game of rugby over the weekend. i didn't play, mind you. i watched. i consumed some beer and tried to pretend that i wasn't watching three dozen short-shorted men running back and forth and hugging each other on the ground.
quite possibly the best sport ever in the history of the world. maybe.

if it wasn't raining today, i'd declare to the world that it's officially spring, and probably throw out a few woots for good measure. so i'll just wait for now.

my weekend in boston...

totally worth the painful and completely boring four hour bus ride it took to get up there. this is heather:





and this is eoin (pronounced owen):

a veritable explosion of awesome in queens...

it. was. gorgeous today.

after spending all day yesterday helping sole and jacob paint their apartment, i got to spend today soaking up the awesome that is eric laurits. in my role as mentee, i watched him work his magic for some engagement photos for my friends. i'm a little overwhelmed, and have a ton of photos to dig through, but i'm feeling rather giddy, and very happy to have legitimized a new, good friend.

so thanks eric... you can have awesome for today.



and yes, he really is that pretty and enigmatic in person.
i might have just licked my screen...

gutwrenching perfection...

there really is nothing better than being sucked into the middle of a wonderful story, having it rip you apart, and leave you resting in a puddle of your own mix of joy and despair... tears streaming down your face... contented smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

i read the Myth of You and Me by leah stewart last night, and it was absolutely beautiful. a well written story about the dynamic of friendship and what fear can do to you. if you're a member of tara's book club, go pick it up immediately. and then call me so we can talk about it.

little did he know it was one avocado...

do you ever find yourself saying things... funny things (that only your closest friends would ever get)... to complete strangers? i do that all the time. inside joke phrases that only certain people know. i'll just blurt them out, and then have to backtrack with "it's funny to some people".

one of my best friends was in town this weekend, and we had such a blast. she got in late thursday evening and after canoodling for a few brief moments, got ready and hit the town. that night we hit five bars, ended up dancing with a bunch of europeans (i ended up stealing one of their passports and have no idea how to get it back to him... poor francisco), falling in the snow three times total (i have bruises everywhere), and stumbling home at 5 in the morning.

friday, we got out of bed at 2pm and spent part of the day shopping and wandering around the city. it was torture for me, jasean was somehow feeling just fine. came back home, got ready, and went out to dinner at STK and enjoyed one of the BEST meals i've eaten in my entire life. make note... if you come to visit, this is where we will dine. i thought i'd died and gone to heaven... seriously. then we went to naima to meet up with legendary house producer Jay-J, to celebrate his birthday and hear him play some great records. i danced my tooshie off. if you need to find it, it's on the floor somewhere at naima.

saturday, we got up a little earlier and headed to the Met to get us some of that darn culture stuff. jasean and i are similar when it comes to appreciating art. we like and dislike the same things... don't linger toooo long, and really only care about the impressionists. so we saved that wing for last and spent a good thirty minutes drooling over my favie monets.

she wanted to make sure that she saw ground zero and the statue of liberty, so we hauled it downtown as the sun was going down. the lady is not that exciting from the financial district in the dark. by this time, she wasn't feeling well and i was tired, so we went back home to rest before another night out.

except, we never got out of bed. she had become puking sick and my head was hurting so badly that i could barely see. that lasted until she left the next afternoon, and now i'm sicker than i've been all year. poor things. we still had a stellar weekend and it was so great to spend quality time with her... but now i feel like death, so excuse me while i slurp down some soup.

carry on.

i found my heart in delaware...

this last long weekend, i found myself on the delaware shore with friends. my girlfriend's grandma has a condo in bethany beach, so we took two carloads of friends down to the beach. we ate (well), we drank (a lot), we took walks on the beach, went swimming in the indoor pool, some of them worked out, we laughed, we watched movies. and i got to witness a great friend propose to his girlfriend. one of their first weekends together as a couple was spent in the exact same spot last year, so he decided that it would be appropriate to commemorate THIS weekend with an engagement ring. and being the only person in the group that knew he was going to do it, i was ablaze with excitement. i was the secret cohort, the co-conspirator... put in charge of actually putting the engagement ring on the wineglass charm before dinner, and my hands would NOT stop shaking. i couldn't make a bow with the string, i'm not kidding... i was in the bathroom for five minutes and finally gave up, tying it in a knot instead. she was so surprised. they make an absolutely beautiful and wonderful couple and i was just so happy to be included.

we also had a five year old with us (this is the same five year old that i spent an entire holiday party sitting on the floor with playing 'memory' all those months ago, if you're keeping track).



she has that disheveled, i live in a third world country (minus my polka dot pink bathing suit) kind of thing going on.. but that's because we were all laughing and playing tag a few moments beforehand.

i forget sometimes how much i love children... since i live in a world of adults in the city. this last weekend was the most rejuvenating experience. my heart feels full.

when penelope sits on your lap, as she's apt to do while watching any sort of movie, she'll lift her arm up and play with your hair, twirling it around on her finger... and is always holding a hand or something like that. the love and affection of a child...there really is nothing like it.

other women worry sometimes that they won't be good mothers... i don't worry that i won't be a good mother, i know i will be. i just worry that i'll never BE a mother (don't respond to that part... i'm just braindumping).

i'm back in the city after three days of atlantic ocean, fresh salt air, great beach walking, and a lot of laughter. it's a good day.

please smile...

happy day of naughty snogging...

or something...

i love that time of year when tax returns and paychecks converge in my bank account. suddenly i have a surplass of cash and my happy little hands rub together with excitement deciding what little treat or two i'll buy myself. a few weeks ago i was discussing the possibilities with rach, asking her if i should get that fancy new lens or pay down credit cards. oh wise sage... rach quietly urged me to pay my bills. the jerk. the lovely jerk. so instead of being stupid, i paid down a very substantial chunk of bills... and then managed to buy only a little treat (or two) in this delicious little number:



and a remote timer for my camera. aka i spent not very much money at all, managed to spoil myself a little bit, AND was smart and took care of some actual life business. yay me.

happy day for snogging. i'm going to go see definitely, maybe with my friend john tonight. maybe we'll hold hands, just to celebrate the day.

xoxoxox carry on lovers.

one of those random days where i'm glad to be a new yorker...

eli manning is a sniveling doofus that really needs to learn how to keep his mouth closed. why does he always look like he's confused or about to go to sleep? anyhoozle... the superbowl yesterday was boring. we were all complaining about it, the commercials were kind of stupid, the halftime show not that awesome. i'm pretty sure that i almost fell asleep on the couch just after the third quarter began (which i think also might be because of the large amounts of 7-layer dip that i'd eaten... i do love the dip)... and THEN!!! the entire room couldn't stop woo-hooing. how nice in that moment to feel like a new yorker. such an amazing play...

driving back through manhattan to my house was interesting. block after block after block of UES bafoons screaming and running in the streets. blatant jackassery, that's all that was. i still smiled at them all though.

i had a great weekend, got out of the house a ton... spent time with good people. couldn't ask for more than that really.

happy monday... ugh.

welcome 2008

pardon my disappearance... two weeks spent back home in seattle "relaxing" have kept me completely occupied. and now that the dactyl is back in new york with a raging cold, i just can't seem to compile all my thoughts tactfully.

which means, you're going to get a giant brain dump of events that i'm recalling as i type them. really... lucky you.

- saw atonement with my mother. visually BEAUTIFUL movie, left me feeling rather thoughtful but not exactly weepy. two thumbs up-ish.
- watched the bourne ultimatum (finally). a two hour complitation of ass-kickery and awesomeness. perhaps the best bourne movie yet. i enjoyed it whole heartedly and was most assuredly standing on the couch screaming with glee during all the fight scenes.
- got to participate in (aka watch) the birth of my friend erin's son. i've never witnessed a birth, not to mention a home birth, and the experience (i can assure you) was awe-inspiring. words can do it no justice...
- did an ass ton of dancing, dressed up in ridiculous outfits, ate good food, and gave zillions of hugs. i only cried a little bit. only a little.
- had an eye exam and got fitted for contacts. it has not been a joyful experience, although i think we've found a contact that isn't going to make me scratch my eyes out. as soon as this stress and alcohol induced eye twitch goes away, i'll be attempting to wear the contacts on a daily basis. wish me luck.

i've been home sick today watching movies and drinking tea. my new draperies are up and i'm all unpacked. it's weird yet lovely to have a weekend to do absolutely nothing and regain my new york bearings.

happy 2008 friends and strangers... i have a lot in store for myself. wishing you a heart full of joy in this new year!!

what day of the week is it? i've lost track...

i saw this movie last night:



holy not what i was expecting. and in an attempt to NOT ruin this film for you in any way, i'll just say. wow. and please go see it, so we can talk about it over the weekend. Javier Bardem is genius in his role as a menacing and completely insane murderer.

jacob is in town on his way back to seattle from europe. and after arriving at my house at about 1am from the airport, he proceeded to snore the living BAJEEZUS out of the night. needless to say, i didn't sleep well and am slurping down coffee like it's "insert cheeky metaphor here".

enjoy your day, i have to go make an attempt at planning a holiday lunch for my boss and some coworkers. woot woot!

sometimes, good things come out of me...

but only sometimes. :)

i'm the kind of girl...

(why is it that women have a hard time calling themselves women? at what age do you start to feel comfortable calling yourself WOMAN, instead of girl, lady, gal, or chick? i often wonder when i'll fully own that word, woman... i roll it around in my mouth sometimes, and often almost let it escape my lips, but usually i change it at the last moment and still say girl. why?)

i'm the kind of girl:

* that sets up dates with ex-boyfriends while on vacation home, just to ensure that she has someone to make out with.
* that eats an entire container of hummus for lunch.
* who thinks that sweat is a good and necessary evil.
* that always daydreams about other adventures, and seems to have her head firmly immursed in the clouds.
* always wishes that she'd had a few sisters.
* wants babies but doesn't actually want to give birth. (get on that, science)
* can't help waiting til the last minute.
* has things to accomplish and should just get to it...

and with that... a hearty 'carry on'.

that was such a long break, i should be tan or something...

five days off? i can't even remember the last time that i had five days off. oh yes i do... it was in february for my birthday, which was forever ago. i really am overdue for a vacation, of the tropical persuasion. and pronto.

i just spent the last few days at my friend's parent's house in connecticut... eating great food, drinking wine, playing boardgames, going on hikes, walking on the beach for photo taking, and laughing... a lot. i've never had that much fun at a holiday dinner table in my entire life (sorry family), but it's true. get a bunch of overeducated nerds at a turkey feast and watch the weirdness ensue. so amazing in such a brilliant and wonderful way. i felt sad taking the train back home, and spent the entirety of sunday in bed in my jams... watching movies (blood diamond is brilliant btw).

being back at work today is a little surreal... technically i'm now back on that 'watch what i eat, get in shape before xmas' thing, and i shant be drinking or enjoying monstrous portions until then. but i had to DRAG my toosh out of bed today. why is it always so difficult to go back to work on the monday after a few days off? talk about torture.

happy monday friends... carry on.

added for rachel... the pest!! hehe