Wednesday, November 7, 2007

you can be my bodyguard, i can be your long lost pal...

it's not just me going through things... it would appear that at this stage in life, an asston of people start questioning their paths, their goals... the way their lives are going (or not going as the case may be). for those of us that AREN'T making six figures at the age of 28-30, we begin to wonder what all the effort we put into our daily lives is for.

is it the right move for me to move to new york, for example, and invest two to three years in the publishing industry, when that isn't going to guarantee that i'll be able to focus and pump out an amazing commercial novel... not to mention have it picked up and published by a good house? is writing my avenue? is it a GOOD thing that i took a massive paycut to move here and pursue this, all the while wracking up more debt and living a just-slide-by existence? what's the point? and having ten people as devoted blog readers does not a best seller make. can i assume that the general masses are going to want to read what i have to write? who knows really... but i suppose that it never hurts to try.

that was a tangent, i wasn't even going to write about that originally... but i just read a slackmistress blog about her disenchantment with her life as a struggling writer, and it gets me thinking. that's all.

anyway, back to 'going through things'. a little while ago i had a falling out with someone that i'd sort of befriended... and it ended in a melee of angry emails (on her part), with her calling me self absorbed, etc. and i calmly refused to agree with her. and as upset as i was about that incident, my rational mind had to work out WHY the relationship had unfolded that way. and the answer is this: there are some people in your life that you tell things to, and some people in your life that tell you things, and very few people in your life that get to know and have it all.... the true reciprocal love that is a great friendship. and with this person, i really didn't care about her, and she might have me. and that is where the communication failed. i am an endless outlet for divulging feelings... for some reason people like to unleash the floodgates at me and tell me what's going on in their hearts. i am a great listener... usually. i give good advice, and even via online communication, offer comfort. i very rarely unload to others... and if i do it's usually to the same few people (which i'm sure is overwhelming, i just don't want to complain over and over and over again, so all twelve thousand of my friends get the latest gist)...

obv there's a lot going on in my little noggin right now... must... get... out. why am i even talking about this?? i don't remember. SEE!! this is why i can't concentrate and write a bloody book. my brain cells aren't working together.. it's a team effort here folks let's get it together!!! this weekend, i'm writing chapter one... photo editing be damned.

6 comments:

Karen said...

The draft of today's Knaphrodesiac is so very similar to this one. I too, read the Slack and have been internalizing ever since.

Whichever path you choose, Tara, I can assure that success is inevitable.

Anonymous said...

Hello, Tara. I came across your blog awhile ago through a link on a friend's blog and I must say that I adore the way you write and I would surely read any book of yours!

a naan said...

Okay, have you heard of Saturn Return? If you haven't, it's what you're going through right now. You can Google it for more details -- but basically all people go through it sometime between the ages of 27 and 30. 28/29 is when you're totally in the thick of it. Basically, everything you previously thought about life gets put into question -- careers, goals, relationships, self-image, etc...

The bad news: it's not the easiest thing to get through. In fact, most of the time you are like, "SERIOUSLY!??!! WTF is going on in my world?!!". In the midst of all of it, you go through some very challenging sh*t.

The good news is that when you come out of it, you are more sure about yourself and what you want from life. You will find the answers to questions you have searched for. You will be shown direction (especially if you are paying attention). Now is the time to write down what it is you want. In a few years, you will probably find that you have it. Ask for clarity every day (from the Universe or who/whatever you believe in). That should help. It's a period of great struggle, but also incredible growth.

Everyone moans about turning 30, thinking that it goes downhill from there. 30 was when I started to really live. My life now (mid 30's) is better than I ever anticipated it could be. It may not be perfect in every way, but it's pretty darn close.

Hang in there, girl :)

hanomaly said...

get those braincells in line, sarg. i'm waiting for my very own, autographed, first edition dactyl tale!!! okay, i'm not really that aggressive, but i know you've got a story screaming to get out. go.

xoxo

dactyl said...

anon - thank you so much!! but it feels weird talking at someone who could be a figment of my imagination!! what if i wanted to hold hands and go skipping down the lane together? ;)

a naan - also confusing. and no i've actually never heard of that, but am going to put in some research post haste! absolutely appreciated.

Amelia said...

what a naan said, SO TRUE! The whole saturn return thing. I went through it, and just like she said I feel I really started living at 30. All my wants are so clear to me now and I have been working towards making my goals a reality. It feels so good! and now you have your first comment from MOI! xoxox