Tuesday, February 5, 2008

it's my pity party and i'll blog if i want to...

please note, this isn't actually a pity party... it's just on my mind. really i don't think that anyone is going to get this except douche (because we share the same birthday and are the same age...it's magic).

i'm turning 30 in three days. yes, it's true. on friday, i'll no longer be a 20 something. whatever. i'm not so much even focusing on the fact that i'm turning the big three oh. everyone keeps asking me if i'm excited. why would i be excited?

the something-oh birthdays are technically milestones once you pass the 21 mark. and as such, should be sort of a bigger deal with big parties and lots of celebrating.. some sort of love fest (and not in the orgy way). so when people ask me if i'm excited, my answer is no... i'm not.

i would get excited if my three best friends all called randomly from the west coast to say that they've been conspiring to all come out to see me this weekend and give me hugs. that would get me excited. because as you get older (or as i get older), i want to spend time with all the people that make me feel the best about myself, and know me the best... the ones that i don't have to pretend in front of. because when you're thirty, you don't want to spend an evening "celebrating" your big birthday with a bunch of people that you've known for less than six months that know nothing about the you from the college years, and the "where's my SHIT!" you from your 28th birthday. new friends are amazing, don't get me wrong. truly amazing. but it's not the same. so i suppose that i'm trying hard not to wallow in this last three days thinking that i can't have things the way that i want them, and just be thankful that i know ten people in this city that want to watch me blow out some candles.

also adding to the not awesome are responses to my email invite to join for drinks like "i just don't like going out that late" (ten pm.. what?) and invites to their own house parties on the same evening. not awesome.

life seems to hand out some pretty interesting cards. good thing i'm not playing old maid right now...

7 comments:

Natalina said...

Well dear, I DO understand the part about the friends... birthdays, if no other day of the year, should be spent letting it all hang out. No reservations, no inhibitions, etc, etc... I don't the part about being sad to be thirty. I actually look forward to getting older, and never did think much on the numbers.... and anyway, we get better with age. I know it sounds trite, and it is perhaps, but it's true. Our tits might disagree with us...but really...getting old is lovely. ;) ENJOY IT....I know despite this mandatory sadness regarding the "big 3-0", you will make the best of it.

beeeej said...

:(

They say it is harder for women to accept getting older. I have no idea if that is true or who this "they" is, but if I run into them I will confirm. I understand where you are coming from with your friends too. This is a milestone in your life and you want the people you know, love, and trust the most to be a part of it. Someone has to hold your hair back, right?

I look at the last part of your blog as a blessing really. This is a big deal for you and if someone doesn't want to share the day with you, obviously they aren't really your friends. They saved you the trouble of finding out later. Not going out that late? Oh good grief! How hard is it to go out for an hour to show you care? Anyway, I feel you. On my 30th I had a friend who couldn't come to my party because he is in a band and playing. Never mind the fact that he was 15 minutes down the road and finishing at 9PM. HA! Anyway this is about you. Keep your head up my dear. You will get through it all with the grace I know you can.

This is where I interst a how hot you are comment and look way younger than you are, but you already know this ;).

arija said...

i think everyone in the world knows, at this point, that i LOVE my birthday, but i'm not sure that anyone knows exactly WHY i do. it's not because everyone pays attention to me, or i get presents and drinks bought for me, or because of any reason specifically relating to the specific day of the specific year in which i happen to turn 5, 15, 25, or whatever (though all of those are nice things too.) no, i love my birthday because it's a symbol of the one day out of ALL OF ETERNITY where i made the world a different place, not from any effort of my own, but simply from living -- from taking one breath after another and from my heart continually pumping blood through my body. that's all i had to do, and i changed the world! that's so amazing, and it's true of every single person! EVER! birthdays are celebrating YOU, and while spending them with friends is wonderful...friends come and go, whether it's time for them to do so or not. in the end, all you're left with is yourself; i think i learned that at a young age, and my birthday, as a result, came to symbolize my personal celebration of me just having gotten there. it doesn't matter what you have or haven't done by a certain age. i think i told you once before that the universe doesn't keep score, only you and other people do. take february 8 to celebrate yourself! life is really hard, and you made it another year. that's amazing!

A Naan said...

Birthdays can be hard -- I wasn't looking forward to mine at all this year (mostly because I'm getting closer to 40 and further away from 30). Still single, I threw myself a party and decided just to own it. I don't know why I was surprised to have the lovely good fortune of feeling surrounded with good friends and lots of love, but I was.

My best advice: don't think about what's missing... just open yourself to be completely taken by surprise in some unexpected way -- however quiet it might be.

Here's wishing you at least one moment of absolute happiness on your birthday.

Amanda Mae said...

I'll me here. Dancing, laughing and toasting to you my friend. All of my Friday is dedicated to you.

Karen said...

Oh honey....I am SO there with you (except the part about being in the new city). I spent Mardi Gras acting like a child - mostly because I feel like I only have three days left to do it.

Bah!!!

Martha said...

oh man.. now im REALLY bummed that i couldnt make it :(

(not to imply that i wasn't already)