Friday, October 26, 2007

a date with myself and other tidbits of "business"

i really do have odd names for everything... it's not an intentional thing that i do with language, i just put words together in bizarre ways... it's sort of my thing. i like having a thing, or things... depending on how oddball i'm feeling.

last night, after a week filled with responsibilities, i decided to put off all work and just have a date with myself. i got home and instantly put on the jams, popped 'stranger than fiction' into the dvd player, put on a pot of boiling water for my one artichoke (cooking for one will be a whining topic for another day.. when i actually feel like whining of course), got online to order my freshdirect for today, and settled in.

i'm in the final countdown to girl time, and who knows if other women have this 'problem' but i tend to get a little fiesty (will fiester than usual, let's be honest) during the last three days before armageddon. needless to say, i decided to really have a date with myself... so i checked the arti... aaaaaand took care of business. i am not a ride the wave, twelve hour sexcapade, multi orgasmic individual. i'm a one massive, smack the wall, yell your name (if applicable, i have yet to actually yell my own name, but might as well have in this instance) kind of person... and then, please leave me alone. i won't be able to form words, i don't reeaaaally want to cuddle, please lord just let me relish. anyway, last night... for the first time in my ENTIRE life... i gave myself TWO. yes people, you heard me correctly, I HAD TWO IN A ROW!!!

i have girlfriends that like to sort of brag in the tellings of their sexcapades, and how many times they finished and all that la la la. and i've never been jealous, b/c i've always been supremely happy with my big one (as opposed to their smaller many)... but i have to tell you, i was rather a big fan of the multi-BONANZA that was my date with myself.

i should date me more often.

in other news, a guy that i went out on a date with last week (aka rode the motorcycle with), has decided to send me a picture of his business. as a sort of, here's what you're in for kind of a thing. except this particular image that he sent me is of another girls face about to give HIS business the business. now why does this turn me off? hmmmmmmm. i'm all for sexy time, and a little pre naughty talk to get a person excited for the actual business... but really, you ruin the surprise. and if you are going to blatantly push your agenda for the business, i'm going to lose interest in you faster than you can take off your clothes. and in this man's case, i'm going to assume that with that much practice, he's got that down to a science.



Natalie said...

ANNNND again....we are the same....about the business I mean.

And yeah...remember your own words at a time like this, when a certain gray haired entrepeneur sees fit to show you his junk via email....which I'm still in awe of....and you know me, I'm no prude....but anyway....STAY AWAY FROM THE JUICY SAUSAGE.... especially the kind you get to first view in the grasp of some poor unknowing girl, only identifiable by her tiny left tit.

Jamie Batson said...

Let me just say that I know of only one other person in the world who had the audacity to send out a photo of his business in an effort to entice a lady....and he's a complete ass. To me this screams "I hope my penis will make up for what's missing upstairs."

Congrats on the double delight!

hanomaly said...

i love your oddball ways, honestly, it's probably obvious reason that i was initially drawn to you. you make me smile. =)

yay for multi-bonanzas. i don't think i could handle the immediate second. seriously, the one is much already..... however, in a perfect world... i would have 5 in a row and be content with it. but really, yourself is the most efficient way of insuring that you will reach maximum peak in less than two hours, and when there are other things to tend to..

yay for solo dates. ;P

as for mr. dill, i'm glad that's pretty much history. he seemed as empty as some rock cock frat boy. and he apparently lacks consideration for the females he engages in these romps with. not sure if the woman in that photo signed a release for her ta tas.

cheers...and be cheery, i'm sure the right guy is just waiting to collide with you...he just doesn't realise it yet.

dactyl said...

two hours han? good lord... try five minutes. i can microwave a meal in the time i can finish the business.

arija said...

"i can microwave a meal..."


me too, actually. omg tara, there has to be some marketing scheme we can come up with. orgasmo TV dinners.

Karen said...

Sometimes, there are just no words.

This is one of those times.

Cheers, yourself (pun intended).

P.S. - I always have more with myself than with a partner. I can do it as many times as I have energy. I think it's my trade off for being so GD short.

Karen K said...

dude, you have another friend here named Karen... in the comments it says "Karen said..." and i read that and thought, um, no i didn't... and then oooh. duh. it's another Karen. so now i'm Karen K, just to make things a little clearer...


i get very randy before armageddon too... but from what i hear not all women do... odd, hm?

applause on your multi gasm! hehe... self dating for taking care of business is critical to happpiness in life, me thinks. i started when i was 10... this one time at band camp i had 9 in a row around the age of 15 or joke. (well, ok, the band camp part was a joke, i was actually home in my bed. crazy, i know.)

every two or three months i go for the twofer... but usually i'm too lazy... and i almost only ever have a twofer when self dating. (a couple of exceptions with my hub). i'm definitely more of the wall smacking name screaming earth shattering kaboom type when with my mate...

as for mr. big... yeah, i'm with nat. 'stay away from the juicy sausage' for sure.

dactyl said...

he actually sent me a text message about an hour ago saying 'let's get together next week sexy'...

i threw up in my mouth a little bit i think.

so sad... i loved that bike.

Karen K said...

what a putz.

you know, you could always rent a bike for a day... and take me for a riiiiide! heehee... ;)

dactyl said...

i think we should all rent scooters one day in maine and have a little adventure.

Loosy said...

TaraDactyl in 2008.

Karen K said...

scooters in maine.... yessss! ;)

Anonymous said...

blogger randomly sent me here. so i don't feel all that comfortable posting . . . anyway, i liked reading your posts.

normally i would leave a picture of my, uh, thang, to show my appreciation but it seems like that wouldn't be welcome here.

Heather said...


That's the 2nd story I've heard in 2 days about the 'business-showing' via email. What IS that?!! I mean, that's the sort of thing you'd like to have ASKED to receive before receiving, no?

I do enjoy the multi-BONANZA-y self-dates, as well. Congrats! ;)

(Also --- if they can make an iRod (vibrator hooked up to your iPod), I'm sure they can make a McVibe to function WHILST microwaving ;) Personally, my Osaki has never let me down. ;)