Wednesday, May 14, 2008

for the record, i am NOT pregnant.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh the powers of persuasion. two of my best girlfriends, after hearing me complain of excessive fatigue, early periods, general dizziness and nausea, and odd cramps... were CONVINCED that i had an ectopic pregnancy, and for their own piece of mind made me go home after work and buy a preggers test.

for the record, i have NEVER... i mean EVER... had to purchase a pregnancy test. i've never had to pee on a stick, make sure to hold the stick with the test end down, try to wipe while holding said stick upside down, and then wait two minutes while the test ran itself whilst sitting on the bathroom counter. ever.

for the record... i know my body. i know when something is actually amiss. my body and i are seriously bff. the test gave me a BLARING negative result within seconds of setting it down... and stayed that way for the following two minutes (actually five minutes b/c i just wanted to prove a point to myself).

i felt ridiculous... and i little angry.. because now i can no longer say that i've never taken a pregnancy test and never had a scare. well you know what, i can still say that. because i didn't HAVE a scare, and it was a waste of eleven dollars. and yes, they are both sending me five dollars to cover the cost of their own idiocy. so JUST FOR THE RECORD, i'm not having someone's baby.

carry on with your day. kthxbye.

9 comments:

Karen said...

I've had to pee on a pregnancy test twice.

I have two kids.

You do the math.

arija said...

ooof, hate to break it to your friends, but the levels of hCG (the hormone your body produces when it's pregnant, signalled by implantation of the embryo in the uterus) would not be detected by a home pregnancy test in the event of an ectopic pregnancy. hCG levels are too low for an early detection test: you'd have to get an actual blood test to find that out.

so while you're obviously not pregnant, i'm sorry that you had to waste $11 because of someone else's weird, unfounded fears.

Hillary said...

this made me giggle - thank you

Karen said...

Look on the bright side. The fact that you even bothered with the test tells us all that you've gotten some ass in the last 28 days.

Go you!

Joni Streit Photography said...

ok, this totally made me giggle. I'm sorry you're feeling icky, but seriously... you are quite the entertainer.:)

chira said...

at least you aren't in the LONGEST dry spell ever....

*sad panda face*

new york dactyl said...

oh whatever.. one night stands are boring. i'm too old for that shizzle. note to self: just say NO to twenty-five year old boys. :)

chira said...

*giggles*



but 26 is SO ok right? ;)

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

I've only had one out of the 5000 or so pregnancy tests I've taken come out positive. I'm so constantly convinced that I'm pregnant that I should buy stock in EPT. Seriously, once I took a pregnancy test during my period.

Sheesh.