Tuesday, April 8, 2008

doubt is a vicious, vicious beast...

and once it enters the room, the entire dynamic changes. in the span of a few weeks, i've gone from new excited companionship... to doubt... to spending time with someone who leans away from my kisses. i can't even begin to tell you how much that affects the soul. it's crushing.

life tends to throw all kinds of curves at you... usually challenges and negative what nots to try and throw you... but i also think that you're never presented with challenges that you can't handle. so when someone goes from adoring the sight of me, to leaning away... i know that it's not me. and without allowing myself to get too cynical or bitter, i know i'll be fine... with whatever happens next.

i'm still here... and i'm better than fine.


Mike said...

Maybe you had bad breath that day?

Refrain from eating tuna and garlic before dates.

Save that for marriage ;)

new york dactyl said...

well gee, mike.. you sure do know how to make a girl feel better.

Miss Adventurous said...

Ohhh, honey! That's so sucky!

I totally understand. I'm going through the same crap with the Producer, sorta. Crappy crappy crap. Sigh.

Maybe later this week we can mope about it together? Drowning sorrows in pancakes and decaf at the Comfort Diner is becoming a favorite hobby of mine.

Miss Adventurous said...

BTW, If it's any consolation, it's nice to see you back on the blog.

new york dactyl said...

pancakes... YES!!

and thank you, i feel more myself when i'm writing things down. :)

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about that. Don't let it get you down! Maybe work stress is putting him in a blah mood.

Think happy spring time thoughts!

Jeremy said...

:(. I could so write a book on this crap. It is like you are living my life sometimes. I can relate so much.

If your outlook is as sincere as I think it is, you are leaps and bounds ahead of me in this game and that good soul of yours is going to be just fine. I will say I've thought about some of your words in this area when things have happened to me. It tends to be very helpful as long as I make myself realize they are right.

Hmmm...cynical. That word sounds so familiar. Where have I heard that before? :p

Karen said...

It's his defense mechanism is all. Doesn't want to get attached with a possible end in the near future. He's also protecting you, though possibly without even knowing it. It's better, really....just in case.

Karen said...

Though I know you don't want to hear that, so I'd also like to say this:

*big hug*

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

Man-friend can go from Mr. Super Affectionate to Mr. I NEED MY SPACE WOMAN, STOP TRYING TO TRAP ME INTO MARRIAGE in a matter of seconds. It really is a defense mechanism. I've learned to (try) not take it personally and give him his space when he gets like that.

Sometimes space isn't nearly as effective as a good whap on the head though. Men need that.

Anonymous said...

man hun, it sure is a fucking struggle isn't it...between wanting "love" and wanting to pretend you don't really need it. well, the kind that comes from a great boy...since we all know you surely have lots of love in your life. i mean look at all of us.

"Doubt is uncomfortable, certainty is ridiculous!"