Tuesday, April 8, 2008

go go gadget downtown bonanza...

i adopted the term "downtown bonanza" a long time ago. it's a dane cook reference... from back in the days when he actually did stand up... and therefore, made me laugh.

anyways, i'm currently having a conversation with a male friend of mine about the downtown bonanza and about the various scenarios in which the DTB can be unpleasant: the girl just doesn't maintain a nice landscape... has an excessive element of pungeancy (totally not a word)... etc etc. and so he's telling me about how he ended up going home with some "girl" back when he was in his early 20s and they'd been out dancing all night. he said the experience was NOT awesome.

now this seems rather obvious to me. it's not like i'm going to want my bed companion to come directly home from a two hour gymathon some weekend and drop trou in the kitchen. who needs a ball sweat salad in the middle of the afternoon... i mean GEEEZ. so likewise, i would probably make sure that my business was freshly laundered, trimmed, and ready for the DTB.

poor guy... really makes me laugh though. the good ole DTB.

20 comments:

Miss Adventurous said...

Well you certainly hit on my soft spot for awkwardness... DTB. You're hysterical.

Karen said...

Dude. The man that has devoted the rest of his life to me will not partake in the DTB unless my shit is fresh. I have the same rule, though. No cheesy nuts allowed in or around my mouth. Period.

Danielle said...

Holy crap!!

Hi! I'm new here, and I don't remember who I followed to get here.

But I read this damn post 800 times before I even "got it".

I'm such a loser! But I'm laughing my ass off!!!

Jacob said...

The first time I ever took a girl downtown, I spent the next 15 minutes spitting out little white chunks of a cottage cheese like substance in between breaths.

It took me a good long time before I was willing to go downtown again.

Karen said...

Jacob - it's girls like that one that give the DTB a bad rap. Shame on her.

Natalina said...

ball sweat salads! My favorite! you cheeky monkey, you.

arija said...

EW EW EW EW EW JACOB! never mind you, that girl needs to get her shit to a doctor. her china don't look so good...

arija said...

slightly off-topic, has anyone else had this same kind of anxiety about the gynocologist? i used to time my waxes so that i'd be hair-free but not red and bumpy in time for my appointment until i realized how ridiculous that is. doctors who look at vaginas for a living (me in 5 years) see so damn many of them it's probably just like watching the nightly news. except, in the case of mine at least, way less biased.

new york dactyl said...

gotta love jacob for only jumping in on this kind of stuff. and we're all so glad that you managed to find your way back onto the horse.

arija... i let my leg and bits hair get as long as possible on purpose. just to spite.

Mike said...

.....and girls who wear tighty tight pants.

Really.

I was doing some research on a totally unrelated subject (H2O2 for water treatment) when I stumbled across an article.

Girls who wear tight pants choke out the good oxygen loving bacteria, allowing the anaerobic bacteria to flourish, producing the bad smell (and I suspect Jacob's cottage cheese).

So, girls, go skirts k?

Jeremy said...

Ok Jacob wins. The worst ever happened to me during DTB is a girl farted in my face...twice.

Anonymous said...

I'm actually curious to know what men, and women for that matter, prefer when it comes to the DTB. I am a woman and I very much like the look and feel of a good Brazilian, but come on! That's some expensive maintenance. Do men prefer this over a full bush? Does it really matter, as long as it's fresh? I'm curious...

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

Wow. I have nothing to add to these comments.

Karen said...

BMP - Your silence on this subject is rather shocking. ;-)

Anonymous said...

i ........

am almost speechless. in a good way. i think.

i feel a need to share. but i am not sure in which direction i want to go. ha. wow.

Anonymous said...

i love DTB.

i dislike dirty people.

i love tara!

and...again...i can't remember my password, so i am "Anonymous"...it's me, KATIE!

new york dactyl said...

in response to anonymous a few above there... my "preference": i enjoy some decent manscaping. there really is nothing worse than having to go on a scavenger hunt for the naughty bits... deforestation isn't always a bad thing. just saying.

Karen said...

My (last) opinion on this subject: if everyone looked like a 12 year-old down there, it wouldn't be a bad thing.

(Tara...have you ever gotten this many comments on one subject matter?! It's fascinating.)

new york dactyl said...

douchie - i sort of knew that it would happen. :)

Rachel Schell said...

well, obviously...