Wednesday, October 1, 2008

my love commune in scotland...

i feel like taking an entire day off, taking my laptop and headphones, and curling up in a big overstuffed chair somewhere, and doing some writing. i think one of my biggest problems is that i always feel like i have so much to say... but when it comes to the point of actually writing it all down... i can't seem to find the words.

i go back and read old blog entires and think... i wrote that?

the fall/winter always makes me feel excessively emotional. i think it's pretty clear that i'm an emotional and sensitive person... but for some reason, the cold makes me feel excessively so. one wants to get cuddly... and hold hands... and be read to. when in real life does that actually happen? does that happen in your lives? b/c it doesn't seem to happen in mine.

hope is an interesting concept. when do you stop hoping that things will work out and go your way? when do you let go of the romantic optimism, and settle into not-so-subtle realism? i'm impatient... i want the goodness to start now. but then again, i always seem to want the goodness to start right now.

i watched ironman again last night... i really do have a giant gaping crush on robert downey jr. hopefully one day, he'll become my fourth husband. once i start my love commune in scotland, of course. p.s. if the republican ticket wins... i'm starting a love commune in scotland. you're all invited.



Karen said...

I remember what that waiting feels like. I really do. And I had the ready-made family (the kid) but no one to share it with. It sucked.

What's funny is that now that I'm in a deeply commited relationship, I envy the freedom of not being in one. I don't want to trade the comfort of his arms, or the sweetness of his familiar kiss, but I miss the anonymity of being alone. Not having to be accountable for things like spending or whereabouts was nice.

Being alone and being committed are both very freeing....just in different ways, I guess.

Also...Gerard Butler. Is he Scottish or Irish? THAT'S where you should start your love commune!

Anonymous said...

i can't offer any words of wisdom. just know i am there hoping with you...k

Natalina said...

hahaha.... karen beat me to Gerard Butler. I was gonna say I'd be there if he's invited. He's Scottish, by the way. rawr.

Orangfilter said...

So much to say, so few letters in the alphabet. We all need a hand to hold. Every single one of us in this world. So many fucking people, and everyone seems lonely to me. I hope you find that person.