Tuesday, May 15, 2007

hey mom! can we get some meatloaf!

my lovely coworker and work-related bff rakesh just made me privvy to a lovely e-card site, that i might be in love with... if you suddenly find yourself the recipient of the following, consider yourself loved:

i'm really excited for next week... if only to get the hell outta town and regain some perspective about my life and how things are going. it'll be nice to be around jasean... who i've known for over ten years and can be completely myself around... and just relax.

i've been thinking about the new york me lately... because that person certainly isn't anything like the seattle me... or the fuller picture of the me that i know. did that make sense? checking... yes... moving on. i find myself holding back here... i laugh less, i engage less, i emit less and omit pieces of more personality more than i usually do. and i'm wondering why that is? because a friend or two have mentioned recently that my loud outbursts are annoying... and maybe a little frightening. a higher level coworker snapped at me the other day, when my cackle carried into her office down the hall. and frankly, i almost started crying... like there's something inherently within me that people either don't get or don't like. and i'm having a hard time wrapping my head around that.

i mean, my mother just smiles and shakes her head at my excited rambles... because she knows that's how i've always been... engaging and endearing and a little too hyper and eager to entertain. my friends in seattle just got me. plop me down in front of any of my girls and i wouldn't have to say a thing, and it'll still be the time of my life.

arija thinks that in general i might be too giving of myself... and maybe that's true. should i stop that? who knows... but it's what i've been thinking about lately. i wish i was a painter, if only to spend an afternoon covered in splotches of color and spreading my thoughts across a canvas.

in other news, i'm going to see a decent sounding apartment closer to work this weekend (somehow i'm squeezing this in, and i have no idea how its going to work)... and if all works out, i'll have one less stress on my to do list. herewith we shall begin crossing our fingers...

and i thank you.

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