that place where the beat never stops dropping...

as i stand here on the subway platform listening to a live album that daft punk put out a few years ago... i notice that i'm smiling, and shaking my hips about a little bit. i love this album... where you get to hear the crowd go absolutely effing crazy every time the beat drops. that moment that just puts the biggest grin on my face... and i realize, i love this place... where the beat never stops dropping.

here on a subway platform in new york city... mid afternoon and it's not too hot or muggy... and a lesbian couple farther down the platform is holding hands and stealing kisses. i love this place... where two women can kiss openly in the middle of everything and no one cares or thinks too much of it.

i could do with a bicycle... to ride around the streets of brooklyn and take it all in. but right now, this new apartment has no television in the living room... and if i'm ever going to watch another movie, i'm going to need to purchase a television. but i love this place... where life's biggest decisions are settled between new electronic festiveness or other avenues of outdoor bliss. if the wii came free with the television, it'd be a no brainer.

i want to stay here forever... in that place where the beat never stops dropping. where i'm somewhere on a dancefloor smiling from ear to ear, and other smiling people are coming up to say that 'they love my dancing'. where it's okay to play music as loud as humanly possible. where's it's okay to smile all the time, and look at all of life's possibilities, instead of stressing over what one doesn't have. it's better here... in the glass is half full side.

go dance a little bit. find me later.

weekend on the water...

does anyone actually send their old jewelry to outofyourlife.com? that has got to be the strangest thing i've ever heard of. "it's time to break up with his jewelry too"... i'd like to meet the person that created this concept... high five him/her... and then laugh and walk away. hilarious.

this weekend is a beach and water weekend. boating w/ friends later today, and then some beach action tomorrow. i've got my spray sunscreen (greatest invention EVER) locked and loaded. it's time to freckle, people. the white skin must leave me.

after weeks and weeks of traveling and visiting friends, i'm FINALLY doing laundry. you know you've gotten to that lazy point, when instead of doing the laundry, you just go out and buy more underwear. because, dear GOD, do i soooo not need any more underwear. so... i'm doing laundry. and i'm up three new pairs of skivs. ridiculous.

my friend d has me addicted to yogurt/granola/blueberries for breakfast. and also... addicted to the wii. i need a wii. like... NEED a wii. after several hours of tennis, golf, and mario cart, my arms are actually sore. i mean really sore. which in and of itself is extremely pathetic, but also... exciting. i mean...i could invest in the wii and get amazing arms in the process. we like this idea. and by WE, i mean me and my arm backfat.

heading back to seattle for several days, and have somehow booked many many many shoots. my bank account likes this plan. and then... i come back home and move into my new greenpoint apartment. goodbye LIC... i shall miss thee.

back to business...

back in town after spending the last few days in rochester with the wonderful tammy swales (www.tammyswales.com). it was a really amazing trip for me in terms of getting to watch someone run a successful photo business... reminded me that it's ok to let the dorkiness hang out. the right clients will still find you.

signed the lease on the new apartment in greenpoint... aka "the closet". it'll be nice to get my shit out of storage, have access to my entire wardrobe all at once. sleep in my own space.

going to see the new HP with o.b.e. tonight... midnight screening. pretty sure that i'll be giggling and clapping with glee the entire time. i think i embarrass him. :)

very excited about heading back to seattle next week... an excessive number of photo shoots have been scheduled, and i'll have a good enough number of days to get to see friends this time. hugs will be served on ice.

i love the sunshine... it does good things for the soul.

family time...

i suppose it's always a little bit dangerous to spend any length of time with friends that have small children, because afterwards i'm left with this overwhelming feeling like i'm missing out on something. 10 days with a 5 and 7 year old... 4 days with a 3.5 year old. my best friend just got married. i want whatever is next.

i think i've exhausted myself of the single life. i don't like it. i want the next stage, the whatever version of happily ever after that's supposed to be mine. i still hate dating. i hate the insecurities that it triggers in me. the 'if someone wanted to see me, they'd make an effort to do so, why aren't they making an effort?'s... etc. and it doesn't mean that i'm not satisfied within myself about ME. b/c that's not really the issue. i'm not satisfied with the single me. and i'm not saying that because i need someone else to 'complete me', and all that bee ess. i'm saying it because i want my legacy to be seen in the joy of my children's faces. that's it. so what do i do to get there? it's all very strange.

the crazy traveling for photo work is finally over. so now i'm back in new york, jobless and apartmentless... and now is when i really begin to knuckle down and figure it all out. get it all settled. and also when i start freaking the hell out. i begin to wonder why i bother staying here. what exactly is keeping me here?

it's always the same things with me, right? right.

awesome/not awesome

it's been a long time since i've done one...

awesome: slightly salty edamame and lemon/lime seltzer water (not mixed together obvi).
not awesome: any new season of "rock of love" or subsequent "charm school" television shows. who ARE these people, and why do they deserve any sort of fame?!
awesome: jennifer summer and her amazing benefit happening tonight! check it out. i'm one of the artists contributing to the auction and one of the people highlighted in jenn's section.
not awesome: yeah... still "charm school".
awesome: gentle smooches and beautiful blue eyes.
not awesome: limitations.
awesome: a sudden influx of creative juices.
awesome: the day after pilates soreness.
awesome: losing a few pounds.
awesome: having the summer of my life planned.
awesome: new beginnings.

oh hello hormones, welcome to the party...

what is one to do when an already active sex drive turns thirty and then one wants the good business ALL THE TIME? oh hello new person that i might be dating, welcome to the party. here's where i attack your face every time i see you. and even when i'm not seeing you, i'm thinking about attacking your face. because even though my brain is a giant whore... i am not. and only sleep with/date one person at a time.

i thought that a relatively normal sex drive was good enough... and as i get older, it's just getting worse! aren't men supposed to lose their sex drive as they get older? how is that fair? now, i'm going to become the weird chick that can't keep her paws off you, when all you want to do is sleep. that's interesting. i'm going to have to think about that.

also... i wish i had a video camera for my brain when i'm sleeping. i have the most vivid and ridiculous (and sometimes downright devious) dreams, and i wish that you could all see them. instead of me trying to remember and failing miserably.

my thoughts are somersaulting right now...

airport fascinations...

the airport always fascinates me... and not just because of the endless amount of insanely awesome people watching. for some reason, i've managed to get through security with three bags... one of which is large and on wheels... i very rarely have my bags taken aside and checked... but my nose always gets me in trouble here. my gate is right next to a panda express (which is basically just a ginormous case of heartburn waiting to happen... mmm msg). i've been sitting here for an hour and then finally couldn't take it any more. i had to have it.

please note that i went the healthy route (snort) and got a side of steamed veggies instead of chow mein or fried rice.

my fortune cookie had this to say: your most memorable dream will come true.

yes please! the only dreams that i tend to remember are the juicy ones, and i've been having some dooooooozies lately. i'll let you know how that turns out.

other items of note. i'm watching about twenty-five flight attendants pre-board the plane. i also see about thirty people waiting for the flight. this leads me to believe that there will basically be one flight attendant per flyer. that's awfully fancy, delta airlines, thank you very much! now bring a free glass of wine.

i'm hoping beyond hoping that this international flight goes smoother than the last time i went over the pond. i dont think that ive ever in my life had such a horrendous case of food poisoning. i get shivers just thinking about it. the horror. this is also why i had to have the panda express... i will not be eating anything that these effers give me on the plane. too risky. apparently airlines dont know how to properly wash lettuce, and think that serving shrimp in the air is a GOOD idea. ummm no.

and the boarding commences... here we go.