weekend on the water...

does anyone actually send their old jewelry to outofyourlife.com? that has got to be the strangest thing i've ever heard of. "it's time to break up with his jewelry too"... i'd like to meet the person that created this concept... high five him/her... and then laugh and walk away. hilarious.

this weekend is a beach and water weekend. boating w/ friends later today, and then some beach action tomorrow. i've got my spray sunscreen (greatest invention EVER) locked and loaded. it's time to freckle, people. the white skin must leave me.

after weeks and weeks of traveling and visiting friends, i'm FINALLY doing laundry. you know you've gotten to that lazy point, when instead of doing the laundry, you just go out and buy more underwear. because, dear GOD, do i soooo not need any more underwear. so... i'm doing laundry. and i'm up three new pairs of skivs. ridiculous.

my friend d has me addicted to yogurt/granola/blueberries for breakfast. and also... addicted to the wii. i need a wii. like... NEED a wii. after several hours of tennis, golf, and mario cart, my arms are actually sore. i mean really sore. which in and of itself is extremely pathetic, but also... exciting. i mean...i could invest in the wii and get amazing arms in the process. we like this idea. and by WE, i mean me and my arm backfat.

heading back to seattle for several days, and have somehow booked many many many shoots. my bank account likes this plan. and then... i come back home and move into my new greenpoint apartment. goodbye LIC... i shall miss thee.

it's a hard pill to swallow...

no really, my B-complex vitamins really ARE hard pills to swallow. they're massive and yellow and taste like dirt. but metallic dirt. not the dirt that grows carrots for example... at least that dirt smells good. (i'd also like to point out that my fingers are possessed, and EVERY time that i just typed out DIRT, i spelled DIRTY first, and had to erase the Y. you care, don't lie.)

i'm doing it. i'm in my health kick zone. i've started taking my vitamins, i'm drinking my protein shakes in the morning (although 20g of protein every morning really frightens me when i think of how long it's now going to take my body to push out poop...aka forever), doing my pilates, bringing my gymbag to work, going tanning (believe me, slightly tanned skin makes things a lot easier when it comes to staring at yourself in the mirror naked), and adopting an overall healthy lifestyle.

except i'm now reading the label on the back of my B-complex vitamin bottle. who needs 3333% the daily value of thiamin? or 2941% the daily value of riboflavin. 2941 is an awfully precise number... how do you KNOW? and what is thiamin even good for?

oh how i love wikipedia:

Thiamine plays an important role in helping the body metabolize carbohydrates and fat to produce energy. It is essential for normal growth and development and helps to maintain proper functioning of the heart and the nervous and digestive systems. Thiamine is water-soluble and cannot be stored in the body; however, once absorbed, the vitamin is concentrated in muscle tissue.

ummm yes please. i'd like my steak medium rare please, with a side of thiamin!!

this is also another side effect of healthy living, tanning skin, and glimpses of sunshine. i turn into my summertime spastic self. lord help us.

ouch ouch, you're on my hair.

as i was heading back into the locker room after my workout last night, i was presented with an interesting site. seven or eight very tall and lovely (fully rigged) firemen were standing around a woman that was holding her ankle and looking very unhappy. i stopped... stood there drinking my water and just stared at the menseses. they were pretty.

now i ask you, does a broken ankle require eight huge men to help you... as well as three ambulances and a firetruck outside blocking traffic with their lights swirling? i think not. however, i'm starting to wonder if an ankle injury at the 51st/lex NYSC location isn't a BRILLIANT idea.

i think i feel some ankle pain coming on...

i am the author of my own legend...

since i've been back in town after the holidays, i've been extremely solitary. part of that was due to my being sick, but even now that i'm feeling back to normal, i just want to be quiet. seek some sense of peace perhaps? i'm not really sure. i'm starting to wonder if i'm sabotaging my move here... meaning if i don't go out and meet people and see the city and enjoy myself... LIVE, in other words... then i'll despise it and move on... or move back home. i don't know why i'm doing this, per se, but i think that i am. and maybe this is me acknowledging that fact. saying something out loud (because clearly i'm saying all of this out loud whilst i type it) makes it real. i just don't know what i'm afraid of.

it occurs to me that people will perceive in you exactly what you want them to see. if you exude anger, you are angry. if you show them fear, then you are afraid. if you don't display confidence, they will not know that you are in fact confident. the key is to walk with your chin up... turn the music up louder, sing if you have to, skip while you stream down any sidewalk. just remember to live in exactly the very fullest version of you that is inside of you. and do not be afraid. fuck "them". because no matter who you are and where you are at this very moment in time, you are perfection. the author of your own legend.

i have a plan.

i haven't been sleeping well. i haven't been able to get myself asleep before midnight, and up in time to wake up and be alert by the time i get to work. i hit the wall at 2pm again. i feel like taking naps at my desk. i had to fix it... so i went to the gym today after work and kicked the everloving bajeezus out of myself. my arms aren't moving very well, but at least i managed to tucker myself out.

via this online dating endeavor, a guy started emailing me today that looks frighteningly similar to my exboyfriend. seriously. they may be related. i even said as much to the guy and he asked to see a picture. even HE said that they look spookily alike. i really don't think that i can date someone that looks like someone that i already dated. what if i shout out the wrong name? and really, i don't want another reminder of that wasted time of my life. next!

in other news, i watched an advance dvd copy of i am legend last night. why no one bothered to tell me that it's a movie about zombies, i'll never know. you jerks. here's me reading every metacritic review before i see a new movie from now on. i can just imagine... had half-asian jacob been here to sit with me while it was on, he would have been jabbing me in the sides to make me jump even higher at the suspenseful parts. p.s. i didn't like it... and my opinion has nothing to do with the zombies. and p.p.s. long sweeping views of a completely desolate manhattan, with shrubbery growing in odd places and birds chirping (who hears birds chirping anymore?!), is completely unsettling.

bygones and good night.

you would figure..

i mean really, you would figure.

yesterday was an utterly lovely day. i worked out, i took a long shower and even had the presence of mind to take care of myself, i had a healthy lunch, i read an amazing manuscript, i watched sports, i drank tea.

so it stands to reason that 1) i'm so sore in weird places that i can barely raise my arms and walking is a little bit weird right now and 2) that whatever business i was giving myself in the shower yesterday, albeit fantastic, caused me to lean into the tile a little too hard with my forehead and now i've got a bruise and a small bump up near my hairline.

i mean who DOES that... oh yes, that would be me.

blue water woman

my own lady of shalott:



There she weaves by night and day
A magic web with colours gay.
She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.
She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

---

random bits:

a male friend emailed to tell me the good news that one of his friends got engaged towards the end of the week. i thought perhaps that we trying to get me a photo gig, but no... he was telling me because the woman was 31, so there was still hope for me. oddly, this did NOT make me feel very good.

i let my roommate talk me into going to 'urban rebounding' class this morning at the gym. basically it's an hour of jumping up and down on mini trampolines and throwing your arms every which way. i'm tall, so i had to keep my knees bent in order to jump smaller and stay on tempo with everyone else. i shant be taking that class again, although a solid workout and i can feel things beginnging to sore already, my back and knees are killing right now from the impact of it all. bygones.

i spent part of my afternoon at my neighbor's place eating black bean chips and delicious salsa while we watched football. i love football. since i was up until three a.m. this morning reading, i excused myself early today because i'm now so tired.

at this moment (well not THIS moment obv), i'm in bed reading a good book, sipping on sleeptime tea, smelling my favorite candle burn, and listening to the gypsy kings. sometimes gentle perfection is easily attained. if you just look within yourself when you're quiet, it is there.

love.

i'm the kind of girl...

(why is it that women have a hard time calling themselves women? at what age do you start to feel comfortable calling yourself WOMAN, instead of girl, lady, gal, or chick? i often wonder when i'll fully own that word, woman... i roll it around in my mouth sometimes, and often almost let it escape my lips, but usually i change it at the last moment and still say girl. why?)

i'm the kind of girl:

* that sets up dates with ex-boyfriends while on vacation home, just to ensure that she has someone to make out with.
* that eats an entire container of hummus for lunch.
* who thinks that sweat is a good and necessary evil.
* that always daydreams about other adventures, and seems to have her head firmly immursed in the clouds.
* always wishes that she'd had a few sisters.
* wants babies but doesn't actually want to give birth. (get on that, science)
* can't help waiting til the last minute.
* has things to accomplish and should just get to it...

and with that... a hearty 'carry on'.

quality television and my tooshie - in cahoots.

who knew that the bravo channel could provide such amazing motivation to go to the gym?! as you may or may not know, i do not have cable right now. as an attempt to get myself out of the house more, i decided to forego the cable. i'll read more... i'll go out for movies more... okay not really. i'll ass-rape netflix more is what i'll actually do. but anyway, i don't have cable.

so, imagine my delight when i realized that i can catch up on all things bravo channel while kicking my own ass on the elliptical machine! i used to suffer through even twenty minutes on that thing.. my feet fall asleep, i stare off into no man's land (because i don't wear my glasses while working out and can't see THAT far ahead of me without them), but now... i watch project runway reruns and giggle my way through forty minutes of ass kicking awesomeness.

gimme six weeks... just six weeks to get back into the kind of shape that i can be proud of. come christmas time i'm going to be running the streets nekkid... due to sheer joy at the sight of me. it's been long enough...bitches(and i'll be all caught up on my quality televesion, spank you very much).