when life hands you rainstorms, make shoe purchases...

i had all of these plans for the weekend... that included a solid round of LIC exploration, self portrait practice, and general artistic kickassery (or something). and then the heavens opened and dumped about forty-seven million gallons of water on the planet. i don't know if you know this about me, but when there's that much water outside, i feel absolutely no need to get out of my jams. so in my jams i stayed. i even skipped the sia show that night. martha - gasp. katie - gasp. tara - gasp. yes, i missed the sia show. i even tried to get on craigslist last minute and get rid of my tickets (wish i'd thought of that the day before....bygones), but no one emailed me back. i watched seven movies in one day instead.

so yesterday, when i woke up to a beautiful sunny sky, and semi decent temperatures... i made sure that my "day of shopping with the girls" was extra-awesome. my friend S works for the parent company that owns nine west... and they were having an employee 50% off discount weekend. ummm yes S, i WILL go shoe shopping with you this weekend. thank youuuuuuu. and in honor of all things awesome, here is what i purchased:

black sunglasses


these sunglasses in the brown/tan option... very aspen. and i feel rather badass in them, because... well obviously they're just rather badass.


these next two shoes are for work and were purchased at nine west (at half price):




and the next two are from dsw (god i love that store), and are steve madden and calvin klein respectively...
(can't find the actual picture of the shoe... but it's sort of like this in red)




and then of course i spent all night prancing about in my jams with these shoes on... cleaned out my closet, got rid of about 15 pairs of shoes that i haven't worn in a long time (aka i don't like anymore).. and made room for my new boxes.

it's important, when one is feeling not very feminine or girly, to buy an inordinate amount of new shoes. just to balance everything out.

next up: skirts.

coming out of the fog...

what is it about that first day after being sick (or hungover) that is so magical? all of a sudden, there's that little extra pep in your step. you want to listen to loud music at your desk and bounce about in your chair. or maybe that's just me? who knows.

eventhough i'm still blowing my nose every five seconds, these halls vitamin c "defense" cough drops are delightful, and i think i'm finally out of the woods. my ears are still plugged up, so i have to play my music louder than normal, but at least i WANT to play my music.

in fact, i've been rocking out to the playlist on my own blog all morning. just. can't. help. myself.

and if you feel like having a moment of awe, go read my friend stella's med school admission essay... i've never been more proud of her: read the magic of the kevlar

it's my pity party and i'll blog if i want to...

please note, this isn't actually a pity party... it's just on my mind. really i don't think that anyone is going to get this except douche (because we share the same birthday and are the same age...it's magic).

i'm turning 30 in three days. yes, it's true. on friday, i'll no longer be a 20 something. whatever. i'm not so much even focusing on the fact that i'm turning the big three oh. everyone keeps asking me if i'm excited. why would i be excited?

the something-oh birthdays are technically milestones once you pass the 21 mark. and as such, should be sort of a bigger deal with big parties and lots of celebrating.. some sort of love fest (and not in the orgy way). so when people ask me if i'm excited, my answer is no... i'm not.

i would get excited if my three best friends all called randomly from the west coast to say that they've been conspiring to all come out to see me this weekend and give me hugs. that would get me excited. because as you get older (or as i get older), i want to spend time with all the people that make me feel the best about myself, and know me the best... the ones that i don't have to pretend in front of. because when you're thirty, you don't want to spend an evening "celebrating" your big birthday with a bunch of people that you've known for less than six months that know nothing about the you from the college years, and the "where's my SHIT!" you from your 28th birthday. new friends are amazing, don't get me wrong. truly amazing. but it's not the same. so i suppose that i'm trying hard not to wallow in this last three days thinking that i can't have things the way that i want them, and just be thankful that i know ten people in this city that want to watch me blow out some candles.

also adding to the not awesome are responses to my email invite to join for drinks like "i just don't like going out that late" (ten pm.. what?) and invites to their own house parties on the same evening. not awesome.

life seems to hand out some pretty interesting cards. good thing i'm not playing old maid right now...

between "her" and "me"...

(from an IM conversation with one of my best friends yesterday, because it was an interesting discussion, rather insightful, and i wanted to share it with y'all... excuse spelling and grammatical shortcuts):

me: i HAD good biz on saturday morning
the immature jerk... the honest stuff comes out when they've been drinking and then they go running for the scaredy little hills when more sober.
i'm too awesome... i'm tired of hearing that
her: what happened?
me: we met out... spent nine hours talking about all kinds of amazing things... made out...slept over.. sex didn't happen til the morning... he stayed til noon, we napped, ate breakfast. he said 'we have our numbers, we'll make it happen'... then nothing since then
no HI, no so glad i met you etc
deflating
her: no shit
me: like
i haven't a conversation that amazing in YEARS
her: did he say something that would make him freak out?
like "omg, i just showed i'm vulnerable, can't call ever again"
me: totally
her: that's redonk
me: yup
like it's MY fault that you like me and therefore i should be punished
her: this might be a stupid question, but are you going to call him?
me: i'm not sure
her: if he's really scared, i doubt he's trying to punish you
me: i might... in a few days. one last ditch effort.
her: more like running away cupping his balls
me: yeah
it still makes me really sad though. i'm tired of this reaction
it's one big rollercoaster
her: i know
i understand
me: like what is so inherently bad about me, then men dont seem to like after one day?
will i be alone forever?? maybe... maaayyyybe
her: well... i don't think you're bad or they're bad
i think you're ready and they're scared
me: yeah i spose... all these years of me being a chickenshit, and now that i'm ready... THEY're all chickshits
her: i don't know why or how it happened, but "men" in our generation will avoid responsibility at ALL COSTS
me: its true
how did that happen and why?
her: i have theories, but that doesn't mean anything
mostly it's a poor example they've learned from
me: well i usually like your theories
id believe that
her: and the fact that we women and our feminist tendancies have decided it's a GOOD thing to take up all the slack
me: which i do NOT think is a good thing
her: men are no longer being good providers, so women got back to work
men are no longer being protectors so we protect ourselves
me: this makes me want to cry
i'm going to blog with your insight btw... that's very smart
her: men are no longer being good fathers, so we're inseminating ourselves, marrying other women, making sex a "physical need" instead of part of a companion relationship
it's just completely backward
we WANT chivalry from individual men, but culturally we expect men to get the hell out of the way, treat us as 'equals'
no wonder they're confused
me: seriously
her: personally, i think feminism is the saddest, most tragic development in modern culture
it's our own damn fault


feel free to chime in on this...