self actualizations

were you ever in sports? were you ever asked to go over your routines in your mind and imagine yourself performing your routines perfectly, or imagining that you will dominate a course, or a game? in gymnastics and diving and other activities we were always asked to sit quietly and go over our routines. and every time i went over them in my head, i never performed them perfectly... i always fell... or messed up.

and oddly, it's always been that way... i never dream that something successful is happening to me, or that i'm winning something. i'm always being chased, or attacked, or am flailing... or failing. i never visualize perfection.

i was talking to someone else about this the other day, and i find it so strange that i can't seem to imagine my own success. shouldn't that be something that's easy... and a priority? how does one get to the point of focused self-promotion? i'm actually baffled.

will i ever succeed if i can't imagine it happening first?

thoughts?