my old, achy bones just don't jazzercise...anymore

i let my friend meghan drag me to a jazz class at broadway dance center this morning. i'd like to point out for the record that meghan is 23 (i think) and about five feet tall. beeensy! she was on a college dance team and carries herself like someone that used to be a ballerina.

i haven't taken a real dance class (of the jazz variety) in the last decade, i haven't bothered to stretch like a dancer in about six years, and i haven't tried being a real dancer on my left foot since paulette (the bunion) was removed last year. foot reconstruction... fun times for another day.

it.. was... torture, of the embarrassment variety. i wasn't the worst person in the room. there was a fifty five year old woman with glasses in the room. that's something. but the instructor led us through 45 minutes of vigorous stretching before starting any actual choreography. i'm so sore right now it's not even funny.

on the first pass across the room, balancing and kicking and spinning, i realized that the two screws in my foot were NOT going to make things easy for me. i don't know what the hell i was thinking that 1) i'd ever be a real dancer again and 2) that my foot was anywhere ready to just pick things up again like i was sixteen years old. i spent the second 45 minutes of the class sitting in the corner and watching the early 20 somethings dancing their little asses off. i willed myself not to start weeping like a little baby.

i'll go back... because i'm too stubborn to let this eat at me and beat me... but man... how utterly humiliating. but hey, if i'm going to get back into regular person shape and then dancer shape, i have to start somewhere.

i randomly ran into my friend michelle on the subway home... she's a dancer/singer/actor/musican person (you know those people... you want to punch them in the face just because), and she really helped me get some perspective once i explained to her where i'd just come from. it's stupid of me to think that this morning was a failure. i stretched for 45 minutes and worked my foot out a little bit. the more i go, the better i'll get. and although all that scar tissue in my foot isn't ever going to breakdown, and i won't get perfect balance back on that side... i'm doing pretty well for an old lady that hasn't danced in a decade that now has two metal screws in her foot.

small favors kids... small favors.