i said it would be wee...

so maybe my wee break is over now.

sometimes you run out of things to say. or sometimes you just run out of ways in which to say it. OR, and this is more to the point, you get tired of hearing yourself talk via your fingertips and really just want to tell yourself to shut up. also, the concept of blogging every day, when i have work to figure, things to read, and images to edit... is sort of redonk... and i choose to not be beholden to it... even if that mean's being beholden to myself. what? who cares what i just said. moving on.

i had a bff in town the week before last and it was just so lovely. she's the kind of friend that can just snuggle in bed and watch movies for hours with me. we talk via facial expressions and giggles... and that's always my favorite way to communicate. we stunk of meat. we spent part of that saturday (not last saturday but the one before) at central park, sunning ourselves in wee bikinis (a laugh and a half) and reading... then made our way down to a bday bbq in brooklyn (say that three times fast), and because by the time the food was ready to be cooked, we'd had about two bottles of white wine... she and i TOOK OVER in the kitchen and at the grill. have you ever seen me with tongs and a metal spatula. back the eff off. i'm like a weird competitive bbq man that has to man the grill.

by the time we left the party a few hours later we literally STUNK of meat. two showers and several changes of clothing later and i still stunk of meat. it was awesome and foul all at the same time. needless to say, when i made meatloaf last week for myself, i wore rubber gloves. and no, i'm not joking.

i was privy to my first game of rugby over the weekend. i didn't play, mind you. i watched. i consumed some beer and tried to pretend that i wasn't watching three dozen short-shorted men running back and forth and hugging each other on the ground.
quite possibly the best sport ever in the history of the world. maybe.

if it wasn't raining today, i'd declare to the world that it's officially spring, and probably throw out a few woots for good measure. so i'll just wait for now.

holler holler...

i'm taking a wee break... you'll be fine without me. :)

my weekend in boston...

totally worth the painful and completely boring four hour bus ride it took to get up there. this is heather:





and this is eoin (pronounced owen):

go go gadget downtown bonanza...

i adopted the term "downtown bonanza" a long time ago. it's a dane cook reference... from back in the days when he actually did stand up... and therefore, made me laugh.

anyways, i'm currently having a conversation with a male friend of mine about the downtown bonanza and about the various scenarios in which the DTB can be unpleasant: the girl just doesn't maintain a nice landscape... has an excessive element of pungeancy (totally not a word)... etc etc. and so he's telling me about how he ended up going home with some "girl" back when he was in his early 20s and they'd been out dancing all night. he said the experience was NOT awesome.

now this seems rather obvious to me. it's not like i'm going to want my bed companion to come directly home from a two hour gymathon some weekend and drop trou in the kitchen. who needs a ball sweat salad in the middle of the afternoon... i mean GEEEZ. so likewise, i would probably make sure that my business was freshly laundered, trimmed, and ready for the DTB.

poor guy... really makes me laugh though. the good ole DTB.

doubt is a vicious, vicious beast...

and once it enters the room, the entire dynamic changes. in the span of a few weeks, i've gone from new excited companionship... to doubt... to spending time with someone who leans away from my kisses. i can't even begin to tell you how much that affects the soul. it's crushing.

life tends to throw all kinds of curves at you... usually challenges and negative what nots to try and throw you... but i also think that you're never presented with challenges that you can't handle. so when someone goes from adoring the sight of me, to leaning away... i know that it's not me. and without allowing myself to get too cynical or bitter, i know i'll be fine... with whatever happens next.

i'm still here... and i'm better than fine.

sounds about right...

oh the wonderland... oh the adventure... oh the rollercoaster that is my love life. not to be too impressed with the level of awesome that was week one of a new amour, it turns out that the possiblity of a return to england (permanently) wades on the horizon.

please... send me someone lovely, that for the first time in years i actually think about spending massive amounts of time with... and then take him away again. because that just makes my day.

that dead inside mantra was a lot easier on the soul...that's for darn sure.

heart pounding, can't hardly breathe...

movie line... don't worry.

i feel like it's basically spring. and i know that it's basically spring b/c i wore flip flops this morning. and people looked at me like i was crazy. some man on the subway accidentally stepped on my foot and then exclaimed all aghast 'you're not wearing SHOES!'. umm yes, sir, actually i am. this particular type of footwear is sometimes known as a "slipper" or "flop". he said sorry about twelve times, so i felt bad for him... but still. it's spring.

this morning i had a momentary fright when i went to check my facebook page and saw that the "guy i've been dating for a whopping week" removed his status as "single". my body got all tingly and then i felt like maybe i'd throw up. rather an unusual reaction wouldn't you say? yes. the answer is yes. all the girlfriends keep asking 'well would you WANT him to be your boyfriend?'... and i can't even answer that. you know why? fear. i am utterly afraid of being vulnerable. so as much as i say that i'm open to a relationship and i yearn for intimacy and all that blah blah, the circumstance that it may or may not be staring me in the face, scares the holy bajeeezus out of me. deep breaths, deep breaths. (and p.s. the answer is yes... the guy is lovely relationship material... but give me more than a week to make that decision ladies.)

in other news, i would kill someone for some cherries jubilee ice cream from B&R. like seriously.

apparently it's all about music lately...

love this: Paolo Nutini - New Shoes