in pieces...

first thing i did this morning was open my strawberry yogurt... and SPLAT on the red sweater. seriously. yogurt HATES me. how many times has this happened??

last thing i did yesterday before leaving work was whack my knee against the corner of my desk... in a lets-relocate-your-kneecap kind of a way. working out about thirty minutes later was a big treat lemme tell ya. so was trying to stand up after sitting on the toilet. i'm a disaster area lately... it's like the ceiling doesn't WANT me to function at the gym. stupid old lady body. does anyone have a knew one that i can borrow?

we are down one more roommate for the next month... so it's just j and i in our huge ass apartment for the next six weeks. i am not complaining really... it's pretty much awesome. and no offense mo, but i'm pretty happy about having our bathroom to myself too.

i'm going to need to shoot soon... i'm starting to feel like i want to, and the weather is starting to behave.

one thing i've noticed lately, and this is TOTALLY going to be an overshare... since i no longer have a car (which was my previous location for nose pickage... it just happens... don't judge me), i've started doing it in my office. with my office door WIDE open. and people just walk right on by... and somehow i don't even care. i mean, i try and be slightly discreet about it, but sometimes you just gotta go for it.

and yes, i pick my nose. and my farts don't smell like orchids... maybe peanut butter and tuna sandwiches...

or death.

and yes i'm in one of those moods. have a glorious day!!

reflections...

here i am standing in a pool of my own reflection.

i stare back.

i challenge.

i dare you not to move - we will play this game to see who turns away first.

my reflection mocks me as i reflect on what once was.

a glimmer of my former self i see in this sliver of a girl grinning back at me.

a painless and hopeful smile, a solid resolve, a lost look behind the eyes.

i reach up to feel the wrinkles of my own face, this face that i call home now.

i knew this girl, who reaches with elegant fingers towards me through the water.

she reflects on where she's come from and what she hopes to become.

she will become me... here in this body and this time and this mindset.

she will stare back at herself with prideful majesty and searching grace.

she will laugh.

and laugh.

and laugh.

she will sway with the music that never stops playing.

this girl that i see, that i think that i knew, but that time has forgotten.

i love her.

i reach my hand into the sun warmed pool and lace my fingers with hers... strong and calloused hands reach back to my soft ones.

i smile and we let go.

and as my hand comes back to the surface, and to this present, it makes circles in the water,

sending ripples out one on top of each other.

they radiate outward around me and i lose her face.

i only see this blur and the movement of my own hand.

i feel her somewhere settled deep inside of me

smiling for all the world to see.

i look around and see the water rippling, but before i go i'll take one thing with me.

i'll hold my breath and submerge myself in this pool,

where she and i will open our eyes under water

and see everything.

just keep swimming...

you know when you're digging through your underwear drawer and the only options left make your nose crinkle up b/c they're just not festive, that it's time to do laundry. and if you were around at all for the calvin klein cheekies obsession of 2006, you know that i have a TON of underwear. that said, i made the crinkley face yesterday morning whilst getting ready for work, so i knew that i'd have to do some laundry when i got back home. it'd been awhile... and i still have two more loads to do tonight (but in my defense, i was away from home for a week, so that adds to the pile).

in a random conversation yesterday, a friend asked me how i managed to stay so positive and cheerful when it came to friendships and relationships.. the answer... lithium.

okay that was a lie... but it got me thinking because i find myself in the most ridiculous situations with and because of other people, and yet i remain obstinately optimistic. i have an inventive imagination, great friends, and am old enough to know when to appreciate brilliantly random moments of joy. by learning to appreciate the little things, i've learned to worry less about the big picture. and for some reason, that helps me stay positive.

that blue fish said it best... 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming'.

this is not to say that i am not a moody behemoth from time to time...i'm not emotionally monotonous after all (boring, if you ask me)... for the most part, however, i'm a pretty positive person.

i've given out two hugs to downtrodden coworkers today... i'm on a roll people!!

so what keeps you up and smiling?? assuming that you are in fact up and smiling...